


Without you, I am lost

by surelyunwritten



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dachaetzu aren't really here :(, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Other, Slow Burn, friends to lovers?, happy ending? idk, irene’s kinda bitchy, jeonghyo are together, minayeon slow build, mostly angst, squint for sanayeon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28519506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surelyunwritten/pseuds/surelyunwritten
Summary: Sana and Momo have always been inseparable. Sana dreams for a future where it stays like this; with Momo by her side now and forever. But dreams are just dreams, and life is cruel.Or,Falling in love really isn’t as sweet and magical as the books say it is.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi, Hirai Momo/Kang Seulgi, Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana, Hirai Momo/Myoui Mina, Im Nayeon/Minatozaki Sana, Im Nayeon/Myoui Mina, Im Nayeon/Park Jisoo | Jihyo, Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon, Minatozaki Sana/Park Jisoo | Jihyo, Park Jisoo | Jihyo/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Without you, I am lost

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is! It took so long, but it's finally here. I'm sorry for the wait. But thank you for being patient. 
> 
> This is my first time writing, so please go easy on me.
> 
> This was also written for a friend. So, my friends who are reading this, I hope it lives up to your expectations.
> 
> It's unbeta'd so any mistakes you guys find are solely on me. (This was also very rushed, so please forgive me.)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this mainly introductory chapter to a world of Samo angst.
> 
> Feel free to use the hashtag #WithoutSAMO for any comments you guys have!

_Does love even exist?_

_Is it even eternal?_

_Will I be able to lose my selfishness and_

_be able to go back to the way I used to be?_

_-LOVE?, Penomeco._

It’s not easy finding other Japanese kids in South Korea. But Sana somehow managed to do just that. Her parents had brought her to Seoul when she was just a baby. Something about wanting to raise the kid right and starting anew without having to worry about family pressures. Sana never really understood much of it, she was just glad to have found a friend who could understand her, and in more ways than one. She was in the fourth grade when it happened. On the other side of the playground, she sees a girl with raven black hair trip and scrape her knee on the way down.

“Ouch,” the girl mumbled.

Upon hearing the word in a familiar tongue, Sana whips her head in the girl’s direction. _Pretty hair,_ she thinks after seeing her. Did she hear that right? Did that girl just mumble something in Japanese? Sana lets her curiosity get the best of her as she stands up from where she was sitting in the sand and strolls over to the girl.

The girl was still rubbing the sides of her knee when she spots the other tiny human approaching her.

“I’m Sana,” she said in perfect Japanese. Or at least as perfect as it can be for a nine-year-old. She looked awkward and felt even more so. The raven-haired girl stared with wide eyes, making Sana doubt what she heard in the first place. Maybe she heard it wrong and now she’s speaking a completely foreign language to this poor child.

“I’m Momo,” the girl responded.

_She is Japanese!_

Sana rejoiced internally, not wanting to freak the other girl out. She knelt down next to her and eyed the scraped knee.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, but only a little bit.”

“Oh okay.”

The girls stayed there for another moment just ogling the scrape until Sana suddenly stood up and ran towards the building. It’s fascinating how the injured girl managed to hold it together when she hurt her knee pretty bad. Momo’s eyes just followed Sana’s retreating figure until it disappeared inside, not looking away even after she was gone. Moments later, Sana reappeared with something small and pink in her left hand.

“Here, for you,” Sana says as she hands the band aid to Momo. Momo eyes grow wide again as she takes the band aid and thanks her. Taking a seat next to her, she watches as she puts the band aid on.

“Are you new?” Sana continues in Japanese, completely bewildered by the way the raven-haired girl was applying the band-aid. Momo had tried to place it on there before taking off the plastic parts and just solemnly watched it fall right off.

“Yeah, I came on Monday.” Momo responds, grabbing the band-aid and trying again, this time actually taking off the adhesive protections.

“Monday… that was two days ago,” Sana repeats while holding three little fingers up.

Momo only nods while reaching out to put one of Sana’s fingers down.

“How come I only saw you today?”

Momo shrugs, carefully examining the person in front of her.

“How old are you?”

“Nine and a half.”

“Are your parents Japanese?”

“Yeah.”

“When did you come here?”

“Monday.”

“No, I mean to Seoul.”

“Last week.”

“Why’d you come here?”

“My parents brought me.”

Sana continued her barrage of questions, but it seemed like the other girl didn’t mind. After running out of things to ask, Sana then answers the same questions, so Momo wouldn’t feel like she was a stranger. The latter just sat and listened while Sana blabbered on about her parents’ decision to bring the family to Seoul for a “fresh start”, occasionally nodding her head when Sana asked if she was following along.

This girl was interesting. Her birthday was only a month before Sana’s, she lived in the same neighborhood as her, she also likes pizza, and is super into dancing, with the hopes of becoming a dance instructor or choreographer one day.

In return, Momo also learned a lot about Sana. Sana was a happy pill with no limits to her conversations. She could talk about anything with as much enthusiasm as a puppy seeing its owners again after a long day and that she could hold her breath for about a minute! Sana had proven this by demonstration, almost passing out from the lack of air and turning a bright shade of red before giving up at just fifty-two seconds. She eventually became Momo’s source of excitement and energy.

“We’re friends now, right?” Sana asks as they walk back to the classroom.

Momo smiled and nodded, pleasantly surprised at the question.

“Best friends?” Sana continued with wiggly eyebrows and a shimmy of her shoulders.

Momo giggled cutely while shaking her head more enthusiastically.

“Sure thing, Satang.” Momo replied, smiling brightly at the new nickname she made for Sana. To which the other girl squealed excitedly at.

“Satang?!” Sana exclaims, eyes filling with stars and arms flying up in the air. “That means candy! You think I’m sweet like candy?”

Momo giggles and also throws her hands up in the air excitedly, “Yeah! You’ll be my Satang forever!”

Their interactions continued the day after and for the rest of the school year. Every day, Sana would approach Momo with a huge smile plastered on her face. They’d eat lunch together, play together during recess, and talk about their days in Japanese when there were no teachers or other students around. They’d walk home together with Sana waiting on the sidewalk outside Momo’s house until she got inside, all while skipping and smiling the rest of the way to her own home.

Sana had also come up with a cute way to say Momo’s name, _Momoring_. It had no special meaning behind it like hers, but it felt just as special, nonetheless. When she first said it to Momo, they had both began to scream their nicknames at each other, trying to beat the other in a game of _whose nickname is better_.

Momo won, but Sana didn’t mind because seeing Momo’s little victory dance and chant was so worth the loss.

When summer break came, they’d meet up outside Momo’s house to play games in the front yard and draw on the sidewalk with chalk. The girls would spend the whole day together then go home for the night and repeat again the next day.

The following school year, it stayed more or less the same. Except, Momo started to approach Sana too, rather than it just being the other way around. Momo would also offer to walk Sana home at times and would also skip and smile back to her house. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

Sana and Momo were with each other for almost every second of each other’s lives. The only times they weren’t together were when they showered. They’d often spend nights at each other’s place and even eat with each other’s families. They truly were the definition of best friends. Sana wouldn’t trade this for the world. To be each other’s Satang and Momoring forever was the absolute best thing to exist.

This continued until they got to high school. They were there for each other’s milestones, achievements, birthdays, holidays, you name it. Sana had her first kiss in Sophomore year, with a gross boy she didn’t even like. She and Momo had gone to a party and played spin the bottle without even thinking about the consequences. Momo cringed as she watched her best friend practically get her gums sucked by Lee Taeyong, a journalism major one year below them. He went on to brag about it for the next month, constantly rubbing in the fact that he “kissed the hottest sophomore at their school, _the_ Minatozaki Sana.” Though it was less a kiss and more like a desperate attempt at trying to swallow the brunette whole. Nonetheless, Momo and Sana decided to never talk about it again, let alone count it as Sana’s actual first kiss.

Momo never had her first kiss though. They had reached their high school graduation with Sana experiencing her “first kiss” only once and Momo never experiencing it at all. Over the summer, Momo found the courage to admit to Sana that she liked girls. She had done so casually with her head resting comfortably on Sana’s stomach as the latter played games on her phone.

“Yeah I know Momoring,” was all Sana said, not taking her eyes off the game.

Sana’s tone was nonchalant, signaling to Momo that she wasn’t at all surprised by the announcement. While one was feeling completely nervous and a wreck, the other was completely prepared.

“Since when?” Momo asked, nervously playing with her shirt.

It comes as a surprise that Momo was nervous. She should’ve known that it wasn’t really a big deal since Sana also liked girls. Both girls internally acknowledged the slight tension building up in the room, but chose to ignore it, attributing it to the awkwardness of learning to express one’s self for the first time.

“I’ve always known, I even remember your face when I was becoming a vacuum-sealed bag during Sophomore year.”

At this, Momo looks up at the back of Sana’s phone and snorts.

“You looked like you were about to throw up,” Sana continued with a giggle.

“Yeah but you didn’t think it was because he was about to devour you?” Momo asks in between laughs, eyes focused on the girl’s hands still gripping the device tightly.

“Well yeah, but I know you Momo. We’ve known each other since we were nine. Doesn’t that count for something?”

With this, Sana finally tears her eyes away from her phone and looks at the other girl. Momo’s wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt, yet she still managed to look beautiful. Were Momo’s cheeks always that puffy and cute? Either way, she couldn’t look away from the goddess stationed in front of her.

“Well thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.” Sana says fondly, her gaze softening.

Momo hums softly, cheeks growing warm. “Of course, Satang.”

“You’re a good friend… my best friend. And I love you a lot.” She continues.

Sana suddenly feels tears threatening to spill, “I love you too.” Momo’s a good friend.

Sana’s heart skips a beat at their sudden confessions. This was the first time either of them has verbally expressed their love for each other. Up until now, they have shown it through their actions. But to hear it said aloud made Sana excited at the prospect of their futures together.

“You’ll be my Satang forever, right?” Momo asks quietly, afraid her voice might give out on her if she speaks any louder.

“Of course, Momoring. From now until forever.”

Their freshman and sophomore years at university went by rather quickly. Sana and Momo still remained inseparable, but they had made a few new friends along the way. The first was another Japanese girl by the name of Mina. She had met Momo through their dance class and was basically a ballet prodigy. Momo then introduced her to Sana who was absolutely ecstatic to have another Japanese friend besides Momo.

Mina was a huge softie, and she brought out the best in people. She’d always enjoy their conversations, as Mina was actually a genius and very introspective. Their conversations could literally go from different types of foods that they like to in-depth analyses of the human psyche. It didn’t help that Mina was also absolutely stunning and capable of recreating entire ballet numbers out of the blue. Sana and Momo were often distracted by either her looks, her brain, or her talent and could never get any words out to keep up with the younger girl.

Mina had linked with them permanently. After a while, they wouldn’t go anywhere or plan anything without involving Mina. She became their third musketeer, constantly up to date on their current plans and drama. Thankfully, she never complained about the incessant bitching and whining that Sana and Momo would do whenever they felt even slightly bothered. But it seems that she enjoyed those moments, constantly watching the two bicker with a gummy smile plastered on her face, a silver tooth peeking out from the back.

The next friend they made was Jihyo. She shared English class with Mina and decided to join her for lunch one day. Of course, since Mina was always with Sana and Momo, Jihyo’s meeting with them was almost inevitable. Jihyo was similar to Mina in many ways and that was absolutely delightful. Jihyo grew closer to Sana than she did with either Momo or Mina, but they were all close friends, nonetheless.

Jihyo became Sana’s rock during the more difficult times throughout college. She somehow always knew how Sana felt, no matter how much Sana tried to keep it to herself to prevent any unnecessary worry. But there Jihyo was, always being a shoulder to cry on.

Sana had relished in the times she spent with Jihyo. Whenever she was available, she would come rushing to Sana’s side, helping the girl navigate through life. It was comforting to know that Jihyo was strong enough to shoulder both her own issues as well as Sana’s. But the latter often tried to lessen the weight on the other girl’s shoulders, offering her consolation as well.

Though there were times when Jihyo wasn’t available, and that was understanadble. Often times, Jihyo was found with her girlfriend, Jeongyeon. When she wasn’t with the girls, she was with her, probably doing lovey-dovey shit and being all soft and cute.

Jeongyeon and Jihyo had been dating since Jihyo’s senior year of high school and Jeongyeon’s freshman year of college (so about a year) but decided to move in together in the beginning of this year.

Jeongyeon and Momo grew _really_ close, often teasing each other about the most random subjects. Momo would tease Jeongyeon about her public displays of affection (which usually just involves kissing Jihyo, _passionately_ ), but Jeongyeon would tease Momo about her lack of experience in that field. “You haven’t even kissed anyone yet, weirdo. How are you almost halfway through college without even a single peck on the lips?” Jeongyeon was good at comebacks.

“At least I don’t look like I’m trying to suck Jihyo’s teeth right out of her mouth.” But Momo was better.

Momo would immediately lose the red flush creeping on her cheeks and adapt a slick smirk on her face, knowing how much her comments affected the other girl.

“You might as well have been the guy Sana kissed back in high school. With the way you kiss like a vacuum and all.”

Score 1 for Momo.

“Ooof, that’s rough.” Jihyo comments, giving her girlfriend a look of sympathy, while the three Japanese girls laugh and exchange high-fives. Momo’s comeback even had Mina cackling, which is a feat in itself.

“Whose side are you on?!?” Jeongyeon whines, hiding in the crook of Jihyo’s neck, admitting defeat.

Minus 1 for Jeong.

The three girls really did help the college experience go by a lot smoother. Of course, she’d always have Momo, but honestly, Sana appreciated having her new friends around too. Having them around meant that she’d have more people to spend forever with. Being an only child yields a lonely life, but now she has her best friends to keep her from feeling alone ever again.

The timing of it all was very convenient, too. From when they first met, up until now, the girls would always appear by Sana’s side right when she needed them most. Whenever she felt lonely or sad, Jihyo would suddenly knock at her door, telling her that they’re going to get food somewhere without even bothering to ask if she was busy. When Sana fails an exam, Mina would know what to say in order to cheer her up and motivate her for the next one. When they first met on the playground, Sana was having trouble making friends, so she would internally thank Momo for even taking the time to talk to her. Whenever she needed a laugh, she’d reach out to Jeongyeon, knowing how much the girl knew how to jest. She wondered if they knew how much they all mean to her.

She especially wondered if Momo knew that she was the catalyst of it all; the start of this whole friendship. Without Momo, none of this would’ve existed. Without Momo, Sana’s lost.

**MESSAGES**

Momoring ❣️ [3:42 PM]

what time were we

supposed to meet again?

Satang 💞 [3:44 PM]

5:00

we literally just talked

about it an hour ago

Momoring ❣️ [3:58 PM]

I know

but I forgot

lol

Satang 💞 [4:07 PM]

???

dork

Sana sets the phone down on her desk with a chuckle and a sigh, the school play returning to her mind as she spots the script pages scattered across her desk. While Momo pursued dance, Sana pursued acting. She figured that even though dancing with Momo was fun, it probably wasn’t the same thing as wanting to become a professional dancer. So, she went with her next favorite thing: acting. She had wanted to get at least some of the lines memorized before she went to dinner with the girls, but instead, she found herself lost in her memories.

She checks the time.

_4:10 PM_.

Dinner was scheduled at a really fancy restaurant some minutes off campus to allow the girls to celebrate making it through another year of college. “Graduating” from sophomore year isn’t really something to celebrate, but it gave the girls another reason to get together somewhere fancy and new. Not that they needed a reason to hang out in the first place. Their first year went by quickly and their second year went by even faster—Sana had the girls and their random escapades to thank for that.

There were _so many_ random trips they’d take in the middle of the night, driving around with no destination in mind. Most times they’d end up at the beach, toes curling in the sand, watching the stars together. But sometimes they’d find themselves in an empty field, talking about the most mundane topics in hushed tones, like they’d be ostracized if they were heard by any outsiders. With her head on Momo’s shoulder, arms intertwined with Mina’s, Jihyo and Jeongyeon all cuddled up in the front seats, it was pure bliss.

But now that the end of the year has caught up to them, they’ve had less time to spend with each other. She misses them. But their times spent separated makes the time they spend together all the more worth it.

Sana arrives at the restaurant just a few minutes past five and scans the room for the rest of the girls. In the far corner, two girls chat enthusiastically as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. She walks over with rushed steps, excitement building in her stomach as she got closer to her bloodlines.

A gasp, a squeal, and a blur.

The two girls were then on top of the newcomer, smothering her with kisses. Momo and Mina engulf their best friend in a back-breaking hug, wrinkling their shirts. Her bones feel like they’re snapping out place one by one, but she endures, enjoying the girls’ show of affection.

Mina is the first to pull away. “We missed you,” she says through her signature gummy smile, hands grabbing at Sana’s arm to keep her from moving too far from them.

Sana scrunches her nose, “It’s only been three days since we last saw each other.”

“Yeah, but we usually are together all the time, so even an hour is like a whole day almost,” Momo chimes, “Plus we only have another week before this semester ends, so what’s not to be excited about?”

“I guess you have a point,” Sana returns, calmly taking in the sight of her best friends. “So, do we have any plans for the summer? Any special trips you guys wanna take?”

She expects some sort of answer as her eyes flicker back and forth between the two. But they both just shrug nonchalantly. Well, there goes another summer where they just lounge around on the couch like worn out puppies. It did sound nice though.

“I figured we’d just spend it like we usually do, except this time Mina would join us,” Momo responds, gesturing to the younger one.

The younger girl smiles and points her eyes towards Momo, seeming touched by the statement. The moment was sweet, short. But eventually Sana notices two figures missing, “Ji and Jeong still not here yet?”

Mina’s out of her daze, “No, they said they’d be late. I think Jihyo’s class got out a bit later than usual.”

The two girls hum in response.

Eventually, they sit down and spend a few more minutes chatting about the end of the semester, with Momo suddenly groaning, “I think this performance will be my worst,” in reference to the final performance that the school’s dance department would put on at the end of the year to showcase the students’ progress. Sana would often watch Momo and Mina practice together whenever she wasn’t busy with practicing herself or being in class. Both girls would always leave Sana dazed by their talents. Though they would perform at separate times, with Mina’s performance being ballet and Momo’s being more modern, Sana will be watching with eyes peeled and phone ready to record. 

“I know you’ll do great, Momo. You’re the best dancer I know, plus Mina will be backstage to help support you, and vice versa,” Sana urges while giving a thumbs up.

“You’ll do amazing out there,” Mina adds along with her own encouraging smile.

Momo shows her gratitude with a slight smile and a nod, “Same goes for you, Mina.”

Sana had yet to see any part of the girls’ performances due to the department’s strict rule of “saving it for the show”. This left her with the only option of watching them freestyle or just mess around with random dance numbers they liked. But she wasn’t complaining. Even while attempting to dance horribly, Mina and Momo were _amazing_.

“I hope my performance goes well too,” Sana sighs, eyes drifting to the glasses of water sitting on the table. Her stomach turns.

“Oh, that’s right! I’m so sorry, I completely forgot, Satang.” Momo forgot, but it’s okay, “I’ve been so worried about my own that I haven’t even—”

“No, no, it’s alright. I know how nerve-wracking it is for stuff like this, so I completely understand,” Sana says with a genuine smile.

She places a hand on Momo’s to ensure that there were no hard feelings.

Just like the dance department, the theatre department also puts on its own show for the same purpose. Sana was a supporting character and only had a few lines towards the end of the play, but she had never been on stage before, so it was an understatement to say that she had butterflies in her stomach. Unfortunately, she wasn’t given one of the leading roles, but she didn’t dwell on it too much, mostly because of two reasons.

Reason #1: A leading role was way too much pressure. She was already nervous enough with only 4 lines to work with, so to be given a whole leading role??? Definitely not something she wished for.

Reason #2: The main role was given to Im Nayeon, an upcoming fourth year student who is well-known around the school for her acting talent. Watching Im Nayeon act was like watching Momo dance; incredible. If she had to choose between who she would rather watch, she wouldn’t know what to do.

Im Nayeon even managed to snag the main role from Bae Joo-hyun, the former star of theatre during her first three years at the school. Now about to graduate, Bae Joo-hyun had earned a stage name: Irene. Needless to say, Irene was not happy about the role being handed to an incompetent brat like Nayeon, especially when she was about to leave and wanted to go out with a bang.

“You made it!” Momo exclaims when the couple arrive at the table hand-in-hand.

Upon their arrival, Sana’s suddenly sweaty palms become obvious. Even just thinking about the play made her stomach form knots. She wipes away the pools of liquid, not wanting to draw attention. It also helped that Jeongyeon puts a spotlight on herself with a loud, “HI GUYS” as she engulfs Mina and Momo into a hug. Now this was understandable since she hadn’t seen them recently due to her extremely busy schedule. It’s not easy trying to juggle work-study, class, homework, and her social life. But she manages to do it every once in a while. Being a Criminology and Criminal Justice major meant she’d often have to travel with her instructors to survey crime scenes, so she barely even had time to spend with Jihyo, who was pretty busy herself being a Literature major.

Jihyo first approaches Sana and gives her a hug tighter and more painful than Mina and Momo’s which she didn’t think was possible, yet here she is, getting her spine broken for the second fucking time within the last half hour. Once the girl with the death-grip pulls away, her face twists into a concerned expression.

The girl didn’t even let Sana catch her breath before asking, “What’s on your mind?” Jihyo’s notices her discomfort.

“Hm? Oh nothing. I was worried you weren’t even gonna show, flake,” Sana replies with a smirk.

Jihyo purses her lips and skips the topic for now, “It happened once! Plus, it was for a good reason.”

“Mhmm. You just don’t wanna admit that you and Jeong were fucking on the couch.”

Jihyo’s eyes widen and she slaps Sana’s shoulder, the latter just giggling away.

“Watch your mouth, Minatozaki. We’re surrounded by geriatric here.”

A cackle almost escapes Sana’s mouth.

“Geriatric? Which book did you get that one from, Park?” Sana teases as her shoulders shake from suppressed laughter.

Jihyo just shook her head in fake disappointment and turned towards the other two girls, who were still preoccupied by her other half. Now it was Jeongyeon’s turn to break Sana’s spine and she just stilled, preparing herself as best she could. But the pain never comes; realizing that Jeongyeon was holding her in a soft and gentle embrace, she sighs in relief.

“I missed you, Minatozaki,” the tall girl mumbles against Sana’s hair.

“I missed you too, detective,” The warmth was satisfying. She could smell Jeongyeon’s shampoo, _lilac and berries_ , Jihyo’s favorite. “Thank you for not breaking my back like the other three.”

Jeongyeon chuckles. “I’m not a detective yet. But hopefully soon. I want to have more time to spend with you guys. And I’m sorry to hear about their attempts at breaking your back. Must’ve been a wild foursome.”

“What was that about a foursome?” Jihyo pipes up, glaring at the taller girl who just averts her eyes and pretends to be occupied by the loose thread on her shirt. “You think you’re gonna have more free time as a detective, babe?” Jihyo’s dejected, “I don’t think so. If anything, you’ll have less. A _lot_ less.”

Sana and Momo share a disgusted face at Jihyo’s sudden use of the word “babe” and make gagging noises, while Mina waddles over to give Jihyo a hug.

“I don’t know how you stay with them 24/7... I would just wither and die,” Jihyo teases while rubbing Mina’s back. She also sends a death glare their way, but since they’re not completely whipped for her, it doesn’t have the same effect.

Mina shrugs, “I could say the same for Jeong.”

“Hey! How’d I get involved in this?” Jeongyeon huffs, crossing her arms.

Mina, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon then turn towards the other two, watching with mild amusement, as they continue making exaggerated gagging noises and falling to the floor.

Mina nods in agreement, “Though I do see your point.”

Jeongyeon and Jihyo chuckle.

“Let’s order, I’m starving,” Momo chimes from her seat, already looking through the menu. How she went from choking and gagging to sitting and perusing the menu in under thirty seconds was a mystery, but hey it’s Momo.

The rest of the girls follow suit, each taking their places. They had chosen one big booth in the shape of a horseshoe so they could sit closer to each other. It was Jeongyeon on the outer end, followed by Jihyo, Mina, Momo, then Sana across Jeongyeon. Mina enjoyed being in the middle, surrounded by everyone. Sana, on the other hand, didn’t like her spot. So, she wrapped her arms around Momo’s and scooted in real close, occasionally teasing Jihyo and Jeongyeon by making kissy faces at Momo and referring to Mina as “darling.” The latter decided to join in on the teasing and responded to Sana with a “honey” at the end of her sentences. 

A song plays in her head as she looks in the mirror.

_Looking good, Minatozaki._

She was preparing to attend Mina and Momo’s performance and she couldn’t be more excited to finally witness their greatness outside of the practice room. Once satisfied with her makeup and outfit, Sana grabs her phone and keys, and sends a text to Jihyo saying how they should get there early so they could get good seats. But it seemed that Jihyo and Jeongyeon were already on it because Jihyo responded with a simple, “We’re already here.”

With this newfound information, Sana bolts towards the door and practically sprints over to the auditorium to find her friends. It’s a bit surprising that the other two were already there. Jeongyeon takes a _long_ time to get ready and Jihyo can sometimes be a little too preoccupied with her homework.

Upon seeing very familiar figures in the first row, Sana continues to sprint, unceremoniously tripping and almost smacking her face against the carpeted floor. Luckily, she was able to catch herself before making a mess on the floor with her body. She paid no attention to the weird stares she got from the other attendees, only thinking about how she would record the girls’ performances if her phone were to suddenly die. This basically was a free concert including her best friends. It’d be a shame to not have it on video for future reference.

Will she have to steal Jihyo or Jeongyeon’s phones in order to capture the girls’ entire performance? What percentage is her phone even at now? Did she charge it long enough before she came? A portable charger would’ve been handy. Why the _fuck_ did she feel so unprepared?

She plops down on the chair next to Jeongyeon’s and huffs, out of breath from the marathon she feels like she just ran.

“Whoa, did you get railed before you got here?” Jeongyeon asks with an awfully wide smirk, turning to face the newcomer. “You could’ve told me, y’know. I would’ve brought celebratory drinks or something.”

Jihyo glares at the back of her girlfriend’s head and squeezes her hand, _hard_ , who in response flinches in pain and rubs her injured limb.

“Okay, okay. I take it back,” she says turning towards her girlfriend with a pout, only to be met with an innocent smile, like the other girl didn’t just try to snap her hand into two.

Jeongyeon’s whipped.

She turns back towards Sana, “Why were you running so fast for? You should’ve known we’d save you a seat. Plus, it’s not even that packed yet.” She nods her head towards the back of the auditorium and for the first time, Sana notices the space they’re in. The place wasn’t really that full, but they did arrive forty-five minutes early, so maybe she shouldn’t have run so fast and threatened to land face-first on the floor.

Still trying to catch her breath, Sana huffs, “I’m just excited, that’s all. It’s my first time seeing them perform. I know they’ll do great.” Her eyes twinkled. Suddenly looking over at Jihyo, she notices what looks like a little booklet.

“What’s that?” she asks, curiosity forming inside her.

“Oh, it’s the program. You’ll probably want to see it,” Jihyo responds with a smile and hands it to the girl.

Sana takes it and excitedly flips through the pages to find their names. It turns out Mina has a solo performance where she performs segments of _Swan Lake_. A sense of pride bubbles in her chest.

_Mina, the Black Swan_ _._

Mina’s so talented, she’s gonna blow them away with that set. She then flips over to the page where Momo’s name was written. She, too, has a big performance. But she’s in a duo, and they perform last. Under, “Main Performers,” she finds Momo’s name as well as her partner’s.

_Kang Seulgi_

Not much is said about the students besides their year and their main genre of dance. This, Kang Seulgi, was about to graduate and was also one of the department’s top students. Though, she wasn’t replaced by Momo, and instead joined by her. They both preferred hip-hop over any other genre but were capable of excelling in any.

After flipping through a few more pages, Sana closes the booklet and hands it back to Jihyo. She then turns back towards the stage, unsure of how time went by so fast because the lights started to dim and the big red curtain was then pulled back, revealing the first set of students.

Sana knew it would be a while before she saw her girls, so she decided to put her phone on low power mode and just watched as student after student took their turns on the stage. The crowd clapped and cheered when the different groups bowed and moved off the stage to let the next group take over. All the kids were amazing. It’s crazy how they could all be gathered in one school.

Jihyo and Jeongyeon looked like they were about to cry. Jihyo’s eyes were hyper-focused on the moving figures on stage, and she didn’t dare move a muscle, almost afraid to disrupt the show with even a slight twitch. On the other hand, Jeongyeon’s mouth was wide open and her face contorted into different amazed expressions every time someone did a crazy move or even just leapt across the stage.

After the last group bowed and received their cheers, a girl waltzed to the center of the stage. The lights shut off and only a single spotlight shone from the back, presenting the girl’s silhouette. She stood in a ballerina pose, as still as a flower and as pretty as one too, staying frozen in place until the music starts. And that’s when it happened.

Lights flashed, the band played, and only a single figure was visible.

The girl moved fluidly to the rhythm of the song, expertly executing even the hardest ballet maneuvers. Not a single mistake made. Not a step missed. The accompaniment only accentuating the girl’s movements. The stage was the Earth and she was the creator. It was like watching a bird spread its wings for the first time or like seeing a rose bloom; it was beautiful. Everything was flawless up until the very end. Sana felt a tear roll down her cheek, completely captivated by the beauty that was unfolding before her. The girl’s body moved like water and the performance ended too quickly. It wasn’t until after did Sana realize that she wasn’t even recording. But she didn’t mind. The spectacle that was Mina needed to be seen with full focus. 

Once the girl ended in her final pose, the lights came back on and Mina’s smiling face appeared clear as day as the audience erupted. She received a standing ovation and the crowd went nuts. She bowed and suddenly made eye contact with Sana. Her smile grew even wider as she waved to her friends, before taking one last bow and moving to leave the stage.

As Mina exited, the crowd resettled into their seats and anticipated the next group to come out. Two students then made their way to the stage, and immediately, Sana recognized her best friend. She wiggled in her seat with excitement, to the dismay of Jeongyeon who gave her a playful look and a shove. She also noticed the girl that Momo was paired with. She was tall, fit, and extremely gorgeous. Like, wow the girl can definitely pull. How has Sana never noticed her on campus before?

“Holy shit,” Sana mutters, her mouth slightly open.

Jeongyeon snickers at this and encourages Jihyo to join in on teasing the other girl.

Jihyo puts on a playful smile and comments, “She’s pretty, huh?”

Jeongyeon continues to laugh and starts poking Sana’s sides to get a rise out of her, while Jihyo coos and makes wiggly movements in her seat.

“What are we in high school?” Sana retaliates with a slightly grumpy face that makes her resemble an angry Shiba Inu, causing the other two to make weird faces as they try to hold in their laughs.

Sana shoots her friends a look and shushes them quickly, making them erupt into giggling fits. It was obvious that the girls on stage heard the conversation, seeing as to how they’re in the _first row_.

This is so embarrassing.

It wasn’t much an attraction that she felt towards the tall girl, but something more along the lines of… intimidation(?). Sure, the girl gets to perform with Momo in front of a live audience, which Sana surprisingly has always wanted to do, despite her nervousness in front of crowds. But no, that wasn’t it.

The girl is gorgeous and according to the school, she’s one of the best dancers there. Sana couldn’t help but feel threatened.

This wasn’t fair at all _._

It hadn’t occurred to her yet why. Sana’s already established that she doesn’t want to pursue dancing. So, it’s not like they’re competing with each other. Why would she feel threatened by her?

But there was something else there too. An immediate dislike of this girl’s persona. There was just something about her that bothered Sana so much. But she couldn’t pinpoint what it was for the life her. Fortunately, these disturbing thoughts dissipated once the music started and the girls began their performance.

Like with Mina’s performance, Sana was captivated.

It was obvious that the two girls on stage were on another level. Their chemistry was nothing to scoff at either. Like two pieces of clay molded into one, Momo and Seulgi were born to perform together. Having them perform solo seemed almost like a sin.

If Mina was the creator, Momo and Seulgi were the first creations. They owned the stage, making sure the crowd was aware of their raw talent. The two performed a cover of Taemin’s _Goodbye,_ which has always been one of Momo’s favorite songs. Watching Momo perform one of her favorite songs by one of her favorite artists was a dream come true for Sana, she could only imagine how Momo was feeling up on the stage. Ever since they were young, Sana would watch Momo dance to her favorite songs; little did she know that the girl would be performing one for a live audience this soon into their adult lives. It was so worth the wait.

As the performance progressed, it became more and more powerful, the flashing lights and special effects only adding to the spectacle. The reason why they were saved for last and why the school put more effort into making sure the stage accentuated them became obvious. It was only during the moments where Momo and Seulgi made eye contact that Sana was able to catch a break.

They were definitely impressive.

She still wasn’t able to get that feeling out of her head, the feeling that she wouldn’t get along with Seulgi; the feeling that this one girl is going to ruin everything for her. Every time the two dancers made eye contact; Sana’s heart clenched. A lump formed in her throat, threatening to get bigger as the performance reached its climax and inevitably, its end.

The ending of the performance was bittersweet. Once the girls took their bows, the crowd went wild. They had bright smiles plastered across their faces, but their chests were heaving, showing just how exhausted they were. Yet the only thing she could focus on were their intertwined fingers and the smiles they threw each other’s way, which were definitely more than just friendly.

_What the fuck?_

Her chest hurts. Seeing Momo get friendly with someone who wasn’t her wasn’t a problem at all. But Seulgi just makes it difficult to think straight. Sana disliked this girl before having even met her, which hopefully won’t have to happen, since the girl’s going to graduate and then be gone, _forever_.

A sigh escapes Sana’s mouth. Seulgi’s definitely talented.

It was chilly outside. Sana mentally cursed herself for not thinking of bringing a light jacket. But one would _think_ that it wouldn’t be a problem in the early weeks of May.

“Okay, but that was actually really good,” Jihyo comments while lightly shaking Jeongyeon’s arm. “Especially our girlies, and I don’t care if I’m being biased.” At least they thought of bringing jackets. But who the hell wears a jacket when it’s Spring?

Jeongyeon and Sana enthusiastically agree with quick nods of their heads.

Sana then realizes that she forgot to record, _again_. She groans and palms her forehead. It wasn’t even her fault this time either, Seulgi was the one distracting her. Now, she’ll never have a record of one of Momo’s greatest performances _ever_. Maybe she’ll ask her to perform it again later; she’d definitely love to see that again.

“Why didn’t you try and join dance too? I’m sure you would’ve done well with your skills,” Jeongyeon aims at Jihyo, who just scoffs.

“I like dancing for fun, yeah. But I like literature more,” Jihyo says pointedly, like the answer was obvious.

“Oh, come on Author Park, you could’ve been the one performing up there with Momo. It would’ve been so cool.” Jeongyeon urges.

The idea of Jihyo taking Seulgi’s place next to Momo was satisfying. Sana’s mind drifted off as she began to imagine what that would’ve been like. About a minute had passed when Sana realizes that she created a whole stage in her head, performance outfits included. The blue theme offered an electrifying but cool feel, sending chills down Sana’s spine. But sadly, none of it was real. She still had to face the reality that Seulgi was the one in the position of having performed with Momo. A sudden feeling of protectiveness made its way into Sana’s heart, and the urge to protect her best friend intensifies.

Momo needs to be protected.

“So, did you guys like Seulgi?” She tries to appear as calm and unbothered as she could. Jihyo and Jeongyeon were still busy discussing Jihyo’s potential in the dance industry when Sana interrupts.

They both turn to her and share a look before smirking in their own devilish ways. Sana’s eyes roll so aggressively, it feels like they’re going to just pop out. 

“Momo’s partner? Yeah, she’s really talented. Why do you ask? Is it because, mayhaps—you have a _crush_?” Jihyo throws out first, eyebrow quirking.

“Yeah, Minatozaki, why do you ask?” Jeongyeon follows, attempting to wink (and horribly failing).

“Considering how hot and bothered you were when she came out on the stage… I’ll go ahead and say yes.” Jihyo suggests, face painted with smugness.

“Ooh, maybe we should come up with code names for when we’re in public, so people don’t know who we’re talking about!” Jihyo adds, slightly jumping up and down with excitement.

She looked ridiculous and like a child… But a cute child, nonetheless.

Jeongyeon returns the excitement and squeezes her girlfriend’s hand, “Ooh, that’s a great idea!”

“Okay, so how about like… KS?”

“Her initials? Isn’t that too obvious?” Jeongyeon’s disoriented by her girlfriend’s lack of creativity.

Maybe Jihyo’s not as smart as she makes herself seem.

“You’re right, what about SK?”

“No.”

A few moments of silence pass. It suddenly grew very quiet to the point where Sana had to glance their way again to see if they had walked off.

Jeongyeon then makes a face, it’s like a lightbulb just went off in her head, “Simran.”

“ _What_?”

“I mean, it starts with the same letter. Besides, as far as I know, nobody here is named that so we could just play it off as someone from another school.”

It actually kinda made sense. But where the fuck did she pull that one from?

“Why am I friends with middle school boys,” Sana groans. She tunes the other two out; considering they weren’t even coming up with any good names. She swears she could’ve heard a “girl with hair” thrown around, but that one’s quickly (and thankfully) scrapped.

She looks up at the stars, noticing how bright and beautiful they are. Her heartbeat increases as she remembers the nights she spent with the girls in the car. The stars twinkle excitedly in the sky, knowing that they draw the all the attention to themselves and not on the dark canvas they laid on. Momo’s performance felt similiar, absolutely begging for Sana to reach out and grab at its fiery center. It’s beautiful, dangerous; which makes it all the more tempting. She then notices two stars closer than the rest, and she feels it again. Her chest tightens and it’s as though the ground could swallow her whole, taking her away from everything she’s ever loved and cared for. It’s an indescribable feeling, one that hasn’t made itself known prior to tonight. But now it’s settled, unpacking its belongings like it’s ready to reside permanently in Sana’s heart. Thankfully, she hears a familiar voice, allowing her to breathe again.

“Did you guys like it? I loved Momo’s performance! It was so cool.”

_Mina._

“I feel like I could’ve done better, but yeah the show itself was pretty good. What’d you guys think?”

_Momo._

“No, you did great! The audience loved our performance!”

_What?_

Sana peels her eyes away from the sky to see not two, but three girls approaching them. One of which was Seulgi herself. The lump crawls its way back into her throat as she watches what appears to be a whole model walking towards her, next to two of her (also gorgeous) best friends. They all had smiles on their faces, seemingly excited to discuss the performance with the other group of three. When they reach them, Jihyo’s the first to respond.

“Hey! You must be Seulgi. We saw your name in the pamphlet thing, and of course when you performed with Momo.” Jihyo exclaims while holding said pamphlet in her hands.

“Hi, yes. Nice to meet you! You must be Jihyo?” Seulgi inquires with a smile, bright and endearing.

“That’s me,” Jihyo beams.

“Jeongyeon?” Seulgi continues while pointing at the taller girl.

“Yup!” Jeongyeon chirps.

_Why the fuck are they so excited?_

Sana’s heart was hammering in her chest. She couldn’t control her breathing, no matter how hard she tried. It’s crazy how much she loses her composure at the sight of a single girl.

“So, that means you’re Sana, the one in theater!” Seulgi finishes, facing her.

The two girls finally make eye contact, but what Sana expects to be there, isn’t there at all. Seulgi’s eyes were warm and inviting, like she actually had good intentions. Which is obviously the furthest thing from the truth.

She hadn’t even spoken to this girl yet and she already thinks she’s Satan. It’s not like Seulgi radiates evil energy either, she’s just… not very likeable for some reason. Sana carefully examines the girl and gives a stiff nod. Something flashes in the other girl’s eyes, but it leaves just as quickly as it came. Seulgi turns to face the rest of them again, and Sana could only thank whatever deity existed that she was even able to answer in the first place.

“Momo talks about you guys all the time! I’ve been so excited to meet my partner’s best friends.” Seulgi continues. “I’ve already met her and Mina, so no need for formalities there. But you guys, I’d love to chat with!”

Partners? She just means dance partners, right?

“Oh, of course! You should join us during our lunches sometime!” Jihyo suggests, to which the other girls hum in agreement, all except one.

That really doesn’t sound like a good idea.

Seulgi flashes another bright smile, “I’d love to! Momo has my info, so just let me know when and I’ll make time!”

God, even her smile was gorgeous. It’s easy to see how she was able to catch everyone’s attention right away.

“Okay, we’ll let you know for sure!” Jeongyeon adds.

“So, what has our main dancer Momo been saying about us?” Jihyo questions, batting her eyelashes innocently.

“Aww she just always talks about how she loves and adores each and every one of you. You guys are basically family to her.”

The aforementioned girls all share a look and direct it towards Momo. Sana’s chest swells as multiple emotions course through her. A mix of affection, love, and admiration. It’s a good distraction.

“I didn’t know you could be so sweet, Hirai. It’s kinda gross,” Jeongyeon teases, looking utterly disgusted, affection in her eyes betraying her.

“We love you too, Momo,” Mina says, the same look evident in her eyes.

Witnessing the exchange of kindhearted words between her friends allows Sana to forget the predicament she’s currently in, even if just for a moment.

“Well, I should go. I still have to meet up with my friend Joohyun and make her compliment me on the performance.” Seulgi jokes. “Oh, Sana, you should know her. She’s in theater with you.”

But good moments don’t always last long.

Seulgi’s voice drags her back out of her thoughts. She only offers another stiff nod.

Of course, Seulgi’s friends with the other top performer at this school.

“Alright, I’ll see you guys later. Bye everyone!” Seulgi waves and then walks off to begin her search.

Sana sighs and slumps. That definitely didn’t have to be as difficult as it was.

“Wow Momo, she’s hot. How’d you manage to pull that?” Jeongyeon says with a slight nudge on Momo’s shoulder. Before Jihyo could inflict any more pain on her, Jeongyeon quickly adds, “Don’t worry baby, you’re hotter. The hottest even.”

What a sloppy attempt. Somehow it worked though, because Jihyo just stood still, not batting an eyelash. Or maybe she just pretended not to hear the whole thing.

Momo rubs the back of her neck nervously and chuckles, “She’s just a good friend. We were assigned together by our instructor.”

“You guys always seem really close whenever I see you together,” Mina adds.

“Well, I guess when you practice together every day, you’re bound to become close.” Momo shrugs. There’s a slight tinge of pink on her cheeks and a shyness to her tone, not going unnoticed by Sana.

Momo’s definitely not her usual self.

Her words caught in her throat; Sana manages to grab Momo and squeezes her into a hug. After a minute, she finally utters, “You were incredible up there, Momo.”

“Thank you, Satang.” Momo returns the embrace, cheeks spread into a wide smile.

After pulling away, their gazes meet. Sana slowly feels herself getting lost in a pair of eyes that she’s known for years and should be used to by now. But for some reason she can’t look away. There’s something flashing in Momo’s eyes as well, and she recognizes it. She recognizes the _love_ in the girl’s eyes; the same emotion that appears in her own when she looks at Momo. She feels her cheeks grow warm and takes in the beautiful sight of her best friend.

Turning towards Mina, she grins and also engulfs her in a hug. Now it’s Mina’s turn for praise.

“And you, my little ballerina, were incredible as well,” Sana bubbled, squeezing the younger girl. Even without being able to see her face, she could tell that Mina was flashing her bright gummy smile.

“Thanks, Sana.” Mina replies, squeezing back with as much force.

“Hey, it’s my turn. Leave some for us!” Jeongyeon shouts from behind them. Sana feels herself being surrounded by more pairs of arms. A group hug was definitely something she needed right now. But it’d probably be better if she could actually feel her lungs expand. There were giggles and satisfied hums all around her, yet she felt constricted. Apart from the arms squeezing the life out of her, she couldn’t help but feel like something else was taking away her life force.

“So, what do you guys want to eat tonight?” Momo asks, voice muffled by Mina’s hair. “I’m thinking nothing too crazy, I’m pretty tired from the show.”

Jihyo reluctantly pulls away from the group and answers, “If you want, you guys can come over to ours and we can order pizza and watch movies ‘til we pass out in the living room,” she shrugs.

“Oooh yes, I’d love that. Buuuut, I get to pick the first movie!” Mina chimes excitedly.

Sana also pulls away, earning a whine from Mina, “Deal, but I get to pick the toppings on the pizza.” She’s slightly better now.

“It’s my place, shouldn’t I get to pick the toppings on the pizza?” Jeongyeon grumbles, crossing her arms, “And the movie, too.”

“What? That makes no sense, you’re the host so you have to give the guests first picks on everything,” Momo adds, still hugging Mina’s back, turning her head so her voice is loud and clear.

“Mhmm that’s like, rules. And since you’re the host, you get to payyyyy,” Sana voices out.

“Get to? UGHHH,” Jeongyeon groans, feigning annoyance.

Jihyo chuckles and pats her girlfriend on the back, “I’ll cover it baby. You don’t have to worry about a thing,” she says, tone as sweet as honey, while resting her chin on the taller girl’s shoulder.

Jeongyeon leans her head on Jihyo’s and replies, “No, I was just messing around. I’ll help you cover it.” She presses a kiss to the top of the other girl’s head and smiles.

A moment passes.

“Hm, no gagging sounds?” Jihyo quips, surprised by the silence coming from the group’s resident relationship-haters. But Sana and Momo were too preoccupied with watching the lovebirds with heart eyes.

Sana wonders when she’ll get to fall in love. She can’t help but feel like it’ll be a magical experience.

Then, from an unexpected source comes a loud, guttural gag. All heads turn toward the source of the sound to find Mina with a disgusted look on her face and her mouth wide open, staring at the two girls.

Momo and Jeongyeon start cackling, doubling over, and falling into each other. While Sana and Jihyo continue to stare at the culprit with their mouths agape.

“What. The. Actual. Fuck. Mina,” Jeongyeon chokes in between breaths. “That was a lot worse than anything I’ve heard from them.”

Momo’s on all fours heaving on the ground, trying to stop the onslaught of laughter coming from inside. Jeongyeon looks like she’s about to join her. Sana giggles, watching the two completely lose their shit over Mina.

“That was impressive, Minari,” Sana gushes. “Who knew you had it in you?”

Mina blushes profusely and whispers, “I just wanted to try.”

It surely was impressive. It sounded like it came straight from the deepest parts of Mina’s soul and knowing Mina as the quiet and soft-spoken girl that she is, Sana would’ve never guessed that she could make such a demonic sound.

Sana had already showered and changed into pajamas when the pizza arrived. She had to steal a pair of Jihyo’s since she forgot to bring her own. They were all chilling in the living room snuggled up on the couch, with Sana nestled in between Mina and Momo as always, stuck watching _Hunter x Hunter_ , an anime that Mina picked, to Momo’s dismay.

“This isn’t even a movie, Mina,” Momo whines, throwing a tiny fit in her spot on the couch, causing it to rumble.

Mina pouts and crosses her arms, “But Gon and Killua are so cute! You guys should see them play around with each other. And Kurapika’s so tinyyyyyy.”

Mina was surging with excitement over the little boys on the screen. She had mentioned her love for the show to Sana before (maybe a few times too many), but she’s gotta admit, the boys were tiny and adorable.

“But we gave you first pick because you said you’d pick a movieeee,” Momo continues, still wiggling around. “Ji, can’t you change it? It’s your tv. Satang, Jeong, help me.”

Sana quickly shakes her head no and throws her arms up in surrender. She did not want to be a part of this, especially since she’s already physically stuck in between the two. Jeongyeon, on the other hand, stills and just stares at the bright screen, not wanting to get involved either. The girl looked like a statue; it looks like she even stopped breathing.

“Now, now, _children_ ,” Jihyo starts, shifting from her spot in between Jeongyeon’s arms. “Civilized people take turns. Now, with that being said, Mina, can we please change it once the pizza arrives? As much as I love you, I don’t wanna watch two little boys running around all night.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s fair.” Mina chimes from her end of the couch, a slight pout making its way onto her face.

“Thank you.” Jihyo’s grateful.

It’s been like this for a while now, Mina chooses something, Momo disagrees, they “discuss” it for a bit, then they find a way to compromise. It never gets worse enough to the point where it affects their friendship, nor does it ever get blown out of proportion. They’re usually about tiny, insignificant things. It’s nice like this, nothing too serious, yet never nonexistent.

What kind of friends don’t disagree on things anyway?

Once the doorbell rings, signaling the pizza delivery guy’s arrival, all ears perk up. Mina grabs the remote and stops the show, leaving it on the home screen. Sana’s the first to stand, walking up to the door and opening it. She greets the delivery boy and takes the pizzas. Once done, she brings them to the dining table, almost dropping them in the process with how hastily she was walking.

“Thank god; I’m starving. Let’s eat.” She exclaims from the kitchen, grabbing a pizza cutter. She expertly finds her way around Jihyo and Jeongyeon’s kitchen, knowing the location of every utensil from the times she, Momo, and Mina would frequent their apartment. The only thing she needed to transfer over were pajamas, then she’s set. It’s like she basically lives there. Jihyo and Jeongyeon’s apartment wasn’t bad either. Sure, it was expensive, but it was definitely comfier than any of the dorms on campus.

Her stomach was growling so loud at this point; a quick snack before the performance would’ve been a good idea. The scent of pepperoni pizza was definitely not helping her extremely violent stomach chill out. They had ordered three large pizzas to share, one being Pepperoni (Sana’s choice), one Hawaiian (Jihyo and Jeongyeon’s), and one Supreme (Momo’s). Mina had opted out of choosing toppings since she didn’t really dislike any particular ones. This worked out perfectly because of how insistent Sana and Momo were on getting to be the ones to choose. After filling her own plate, Sana grabs another and piles on slices of supreme to give to Momo.

On her way back, Sana hears a collective, “Wow—and she didn’t even grab some for us,” from the apartment’s owners, them shaking their heads in disappointment.

“You guys have legs, get some yourselves. And feed it to each other while you’re at it.” Sana says half-jokingly, walking carefully as to not drop the towers of pizza she was holding.

“Ugh, fine. You know Momo has legs too, right,” Jihyo grunts, standing up.

Sana smirks, “Yeah but I actually love her.” A truth.

Jihyo gasps and throws a hand to her chest in fake offense. “I’m hurt,” she cries out.

“Can you get me two slices, please?” Jeongyeon calls from her spot, face resembling that of a kicked puppy.

“Ew—why do you look like that?” Sana chortles, settling back onto the couch and handing Momo her plate. There’s a tiny “ _thank you_ ” and she nods in acknowledgement.

Jeongyeon turns to look at her, now with a frown on her face. “Babyyy, Sana’s being an asshole,” she whines.

“You’ll just have to deal with it,” Jihyo says with an exasperated sigh. “Which one would you like, Mina?” she continues before making her way towards the kitchen.

“I’ll just take two slices of Hawaiian please.” Mina replies meekly.

“HA—take that, Jeong!” She’s won, or at least she thinks so.

“ _You_ , I’ll deal with you later.” Jihyo spits as she’s grabbing the other girls’ pizzas, eyes boring a hole into Sana’s head.

Guess not.

Momo almost chokes on her food. Mina makes a little “— _oop_ ” and smacks her hand across her mouth. Jeongyeon sends a victorious smirk Sana’s way, thinking she’s won. Sana just grows quiet and munches on her food, avoiding Jihyo’s eyes as much as possible. She’s not ready for the half-hearted scolding she’s bound to get later.

The room was silent save for the sound of girls happily munching on their pizza and the low audio coming from the tv. They had decided on _Frozen_ , a movie they’d all already seen but couldn’t get enough of. Sana especially loved this movie, always singing along to the musical numbers and even belting out all the words to _Let it Go_. God, that song was iconic. Anna was on the screen clumsily introducing herself to Prince Hans, when Momo’s voice suddenly comes from beside her.

“Can I ask you guys something?” she asks, voice barely above a whisper.

“You just did,” Jeongyeon snorts, causing Jihyo to lightly smack her on the arm.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Jihyo continues looking both interested and slightly annoyed, probably by her girlfriend’s antics.

“You know, you could ask us anything,” Mina adds, taking small baby bites out of her pizza. She eats so elegantly, it’s the cutest thing.

Momo clears her throat, “Okay… so how do you know if you’re in love or if you just have like a crush on someone?”

All four girls around her lightly gasp. They collectively hold their breaths, silence filling the room.

“Wait, what?” Sana responds, face full of shock like she’s just now receiving the news for the first time that her best friend could possibly be in love. Which wouldn’t be inaccurate, because this _is_ the first time she’s hearing about it. But it’s like, why would Momo keep something like this from her? It seems like a very important thing to discuss with one’s best friend. Hell, maybe even a parent.

“What makes you ask that?” Sana continues, not taking her eyes off of the raven-haired girl. There was tension in the air, feeling almost like the time Momo came out to her. It’s weird.

“Uh—you know… I think I—no, I know I like someone. I just can’t tell if it’s only that or if it’s something else,” Momo responds, eyes darting between the girls seated around her.

“Like with you guys,” she turns towards Jihyo and Jeongyeon, “how’d you know that you guys liked each other enough to wanna be together?”

There’s something about this Momo that Sana can’t recognize. Granted, she’s never seen her best friend have a crush before. Momo seems so sure about this that it makes Sana worry. But the thought of Momo potentially falling in love eats away at her. As her best friend, Sana _should_ be worried for her. She wouldn’t want Momo’s heart to end up broken, of course; and she certainly wouldn’t want Momo to end up with the wrong person, especially someone like Seulgi. 

Jihyo’s tiny voice speaks up, “Well, we sort of talked for a while and I just… felt it. Like I personally knew the moment I met Jeongyeon, that I liked her a lot. Then eventually, it became love.”

“So that’s it…” Momo expressed, realization evident in her face, “Because I felt the same way. I knew as soon as we started talking that I really like this girl!”

Sana’s heart constricts. She’s starting to hate feeling this shit. It comes at the most random times, too. What is there to gain from such disruptive and irritating emotions?

Mina hums and leans forward, eyes glimmering, “Who are you talking about, Momoring?”

Sana watches Momo carefully, trying to prepare for her next words. She feels like she knows who it is, but god-willing, please let it not be who she thinks it is. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if she has to struggle to sit through another conversation with _that_ girl. Perhaps next time, if there is a next time, she’ll tell her to fuck off and leave her best friend alone. Sadly, the sane part of her can’t get over the fact that _that_ girl hasn’t even done anything wrong in the first place. She really is just there, existing. But if her existence alone didn’t bother Sana this much, then she wouldn’t be having this dilemma in the first place. 

How could you even just exist and be disliked by someone that you haven’t even talked to yet? Sana’s not the type of person to just randomly start hating people out of nowhere. So there _has_ to be a reason why she’s living in her mind rent-free.

“Oh, um—” Momo hesitates, “it’s Seulgi,” she finishes with a smile, eyes fixed on the tv as Elsa greets her sister for the first time in years.

_There it is_.

“Of-fucking-course it is,” Sana mutters. She had meant to just say that internally, but it somehow escaped her mouth. Fortunately, it wasn’t loud enough for anyone to hear. A symphony of over-exaggerated gasps fills the air, blocking out Sana’s slip-up.

Turns out, Mina, Jihyo and Jeongyeon already knew, yet Sana was the only one who saw it as the beginning of the downfall of their friendship. Seulgi, who she has barely even spoken to, has just strolled into her life and ruined everything. A single thought kept buzzing around in Sana’s head: Momo’s going to suddenly not have any time for her because she’ll be too busy spending it with Seulgi. It’s a ridiculous underestimation of Momo’s dedication to her best friends. But the thought stuck to her mind like an iron branding.

Her heart starts pounding in her chest. The more she thinks about Seulgi’s tiny but powerful presence in her life, the more she tries to convince herself that it’s just a bit of jealousy concerning Momo’s time. She tries to wrap her brain around the idea of Momo getting separated from her. It hurts.

“Oh wow…I must say I’m shocked.” Jeongyeon says neutrally.

Jihyo nods her head furiously. “Yeah, Momo. I never saw that one coming,” she states, giving the girl the most convincing stare she could muster.

“I did,” Mina calmly says with a slight shrug, to which the other two girls glare at her for.

“Okay, I think you guys are doing a bit much,” Momo directs at Jihyo and Jeongyeon. She scratches the back of her neck and shrinks in her seat. She looks like a kicked puppy. “Was it really that obvious?”

“Honestly? Yeah.” Jeongyeon starts. “You seemed nervous when you introduced her to us, and at first I thought it was because of stage jitters from the performance. But… I don’t know, you just seemed different.”

Jihyo nods, stroking Momo’s hair. “Yeah, I noticed that, too.”

“I guess I’ve just known for a while because of the way you are whenever I see you two during practice.” Mina continues, eyes crinkling as she begins to smile. “It’s cute.”

Sana recognizes the lump forming in her throat as she takes in the conversation happening around her. She suddenly feels like not being there anymore. Finding herself getting dragged into her thoughts, she tries to come up with any excuse to leave. This pressure she felt on her heart was becoming too much to handle, and she hated that it kept returning like an annoying gnat buzzing in her ear.

If she could just come up with a valid excuse as to why she had to go, she could gather her thoughts; try to figure out why Momo’s sudden confession is tearing at her heart. But instead, she gets sucked into the conversation further when she hears Momo repeatedly calling her name.

“Satang?... Sana??” Momo calls out, lightly poking the brunette’s side.

“Y—yeah?” Sana shakes her head, coming back to reality. She looks over at Momo and is met with soft, cautious eyes searching for something in the face of the person she called out to.

Not even knowing it was possible, Momo’s eyes grow softer. “Did—did you know right away, Satang? That I like Seulgi, I mean.”

Silence.

It physically hurt Sana to see Momo’s expression change from one of careful curiosity to one of sadness. Momo’s eyebrows furrowed, waiting for her friend’s response. But when she was met with a blank stare, she just continued on. That’s something that Momo tends to do when she’s nervous or scared, she rambles. Sana has grown to love it, adding it to the list of quirks that she appreciates about her best friend. She never expected it to be something that would eventually make her hate herself and this conversation more. But she couldn’t move or speak, completely immobilized by the situation.

“I figured you’d be able to tell right away.” Momo mutters. “I mean, since you know me the best, I’d expect you to be able to tell… I sort of really wanted you to get it immediately. You know, I wanted to tell you about her so many times, and how much I was beginning to like her. I really should’ve told all of you.”

Momo again looks around at the faces watching her, eyes eventually landing on Sana. “But I wanted to tell you the most, Satang.” She faltered. “I just had a hard time telling you because—”

“—I’m happy for you.” Sana quickly cries out, eyes brimming with tears. She brings her arms up to her face, trying to look as natural as possible. “I just… I need to go outside.”

She can’t take it anymore.

Sana quickly rises from her seat and runs out the door, but not before seeing Momo’s eyes fall at the sight of her best friend’s sudden and unexpected reaction. She didn’t even have to look to see the concerned expressions on the other girls’ faces. But her tears began to pour out and she just couldn’t allow herself to cry in front of them. Not without being able to first explain herself. Not without appearing like she didn’t care about her best friend’s happiness. Once outside, she let herself be vulnerable. Her legs were taking her to a destination unknown, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care that she was sobbing while running on the sidewalk, probably looking like a fucking maniac to any students watching from their dorm windows. She didn’t care that somehow; she finally realized why she felt like this. Didn’t care that the less she acknowledged it, the more it broke her. But she knew that it’s something she could never admit to her best friend, knowing how much it would ruin their friendship and Momo’s happiness.

Falling in love really isn’t as sweet and magical as the books say it is.

Sana’s mouth is dry when she wakes up, tears stained on her cheeks, Jihyo’s pajamas still on. A pulsing headache has made its way in, probably from dehydration or from the negative thoughts that kept plaguing her mind. But one thing that kept replaying in her head was the image of Momo’s face. She couldn’t bear the thought that she was the reason for Momo’s sadness last night. Sana has never been the source of sadness for Momo, or at least not that she knows of; and she hates that she’s ruined that streak with what happened.

Unsure of how she arrived back at her dorm, Sana tries to recall the events that took place after she left Jihyo and Jeongyeon’s. She reaches for her phone but finds that it’s not casually sitting on her bedside table. She soon learns that it’s not in her pockets or stuck under the bedsheets somewhere, either.

_Fuck._

Sana winces, realizing that she left her phone on Jihyo’s table next to the pizzas. In her hurried state, she didn’t even consider grabbing it or doing anything except sob for that matter. She was hoping she could hide herself in her dorm at least until after the play before having to talk to the girls again. Jihyo’s pajamas could wait, her phone couldn’t. Now she actually has a reason to go back.

For some reason, she couldn’t remember what exactly happened when she left. She recalls learning somewhere that humans tend to block out traumatic or highly emotional events in order to protect themselves. That piece of information probably came from Mina. It’s a mystery how that girl knows so much about human psychology when her focus is on dance.

Groaning, she finally gets up out of bed and changes into clothes that aren’t going to result in weird stares as she walks around campus. Here’s to hoping Momo won’t be there when she arrives, and if she is, hopefully she’s not awake. Sana doesn’t have the emotional capacity to face her best friend right now. Once changed and decent, she makes her way over to the dreaded apartment. Good thing it’s Saturday, or else she would’ve definitely missed at least two of her classes by now. She didn’t even know what time it was but judging from the sun’s annoyingly bright position in the middle of the sky, it was probably around noon.

Arriving at Jihyo’s doorstep, Sana steels herself, preparing for someone, _anyone_ , to answer the door. She really didn’t know who to expect; her memories from the night before still hazy. Though she does remember Jihyo suggesting that the girls all spend the night there. She raises the fist not holding Jihyo’s pajamas up to the door, about to knock, when it hits her.

Her memories come flooding back, breaking the dam. She remembers Momo’s sudden confession about Seulgi, and how it destroyed her own heart; remembers her tears running nonstop as she makes her way to a park near campus. The park where her and Momo would spend their nights together alone, watching the stars, savoring each other’s presence. It was a safe place; a place where they could hide from the world at times when the world was too much. Located in a secluded area, not easily visible from the main street, it made for the perfect getaway. Granted, they had found it before they met Mina, but they never once thought of bringing her over. Something about it just screamed serenity, so they agreed to let it be theirs and theirs only. The cherry blossoms that bloomed in the Spring were a nice touch as well.

The stars shined brightest there. Maybe it was the way Momo would hold Sana tightly while whispering timeless promises into her ear or maybe it was the way the breeze prickled her skin as she laid in the other girl’s arms. But the moments were unforgettable. Every time they showed up, the stars rejoiced in the sky, excited at the fact that they had an audience of two. So, they’d return the favor by sparkling brilliantly throughout the night.

_“Are you still my Satang?”_

_“From now until forever, Momoring.”_

After a minute, Sana finds herself face-to-face with a surprised Jeongyeon standing in the doorway of her shared apartment. Her outfit consisting of a neatly tucked shirt and slacks signals that she’s ready to head out, probably to work-study, but Sana’s sort of really blocking her way.

“Uh… Hey, how are you?” Jeongyeon asks, face still full of shock at the unexpected(?) visitor.

Sana, now recollected and also surprised throws out a nervous chuckle, “Am—am I in your way?”

Sana had definitely not expected Jeongyeon to answer the door. But she was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t any of the other girls. Letting out a sigh of relief, she steps aside and lets the taller girl go. Her breath catches in her throat when she realizes that the latter hasn’t taken a single step, even with her pathway completely free of obstruction.

Sana clears her throat, “Is something wrong?” She asks, looking concerned.

“I should be asking you that,” Jeongyeon quips with a raise of an eyebrow. “Plus, you didn’t answer my question.”

Now’s really not the time.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine.” Sana hopes that the other girl will find that a sufficient answer and just go about her way. But it’s not going to be that easy.

She continues when she’s met with an exasperated sigh and a look she can’t really distinguish. “Just came to drop these off,” she says, waving the pajamas around. “And to get my phone… I left it here last night.”

Sana looks down at the ground, suddenly becoming interested in the way Jeongyeon tied her shoelaces. She couldn’t form any more sentences without choking up or straight up bawling again, so she keeps quiet, waiting and praying for this conversation to finally end.

“Hey,” the girl with the laces starts softly. Sana looks up at her, worried that she’s going to be forced to discuss a topic she’s not sure she’ll ever be ready for. But Jeongyeon’s eyes gaze down upon her gently, “Jihyo’s inside if you feel like talking about it. I won’t make you because it seems like you really don’t want to. She won’t either, but I’m sure you already knew that.” She adds, making sure to keep her tone light.

Sana nods slowly, thankful for the other girl’s understanding nature.

“Anyways, I need to go. I’ll see you later, yeah?” Jeongyeon’s positive.

She nods again, careful not to spill the tears prickling. With a wave goodbye, Jeongyeon walks off, leaving Sana to mentally prepare herself again for whoever she was to face next. Fortunately, the living room was empty, so that means Jihyo, and possibly Mina and Momo, were in the rooms. As quietly as she could, Sana makes her way to the kitchen table, managing to find her phone right where she left it. She sets the pajamas down and sneaks back towards the front door, checking her notifications.

**RECENT**

Momoring ❣️ [10hrs ago]

_6 Missed Calls_

Minari 🐧 [10hrs ago]

_2 Missed Calls_

Ji-Chan 📚 [11hrs ago]

_Hey, you okay?_

Sana couldn’t stop her tears from falling; the stress of it all finally crashing down on her. She drops to the floor in a quiet heap of tears and muffled sobs. A door opens slowly and she feels someone’s warmth wrap around her as she continues to weep. This person’s embrace mends Sana’s broken heart, even if just for a bit. She’s lifted up from the floor by her hands and guided into the open bedroom, thankful to find that Momo wasn’t in it.

“Shh, shh. It’s alright. You’re alright.” Jihyo’s tender voice cuts through Sana’s now vocal whimpering.

“I’m sorry, Jihyo.” Sana chokes out in between sobs, grabbing at the girl’s shirt. “I’m sorry for making you worry.”

The red-haired girl just shakes her head, “You have nothing to be sorry for.” She says, caressing Sana lightly. “I’m your friend. I’m supposed to worry.”

Sana chuckles bitterly and lets herself fall deeper into Jihyo’s arms. The other girl’s statement stuck to her mind, causing her to feel resentment towards herself. What kind of friend just ups and leaves like that, with no warning or indication as to where she was going? Jihyo really didn’t deserve that at all, nor the other girls for that matter, who knows how long they were waiting up for.

Self-blame was a terrible habit that Sana had picked up in her high school years, with it only becoming worse once they arrived at college. What other choice did she have when her friends have been nothing but angels to her and she’s the only one ever causing trouble with her personal issues? Jihyo’s already been taking on most of them, but Sana had such a hard time stopping herself from relying on her too much. She needs Jihyo… as much as she needs Momo.

She continues to sob as she takes in the feeling of Jihyo’s embrace. The girl was an expert at giving hugs strong enough to restore Sana’s broken emotional state. It’s something she’ll never get tired of, and hopefully never have to let go of.

Once her tears come to an end, Sana sits up, eyes fixed on the girl in front of her. It’s then that she notices just how exhausted she looks, probably from staying up all night waiting for her to come back. She looks like she hasn’t gotten sleep in days with how deep and dark the circles under her eyes were. The sad smile she offers Sana only reinforces her belief that Jihyo really didn’t get an ounce of sleep last night.

Sana shoots her friend an apologetic look, trying to signal her remorse, “You look tired. Have you slept at all?”

Jihyo laughs dryly, “Not really. Mina and Momo stayed up late last night waiting for you. But eventually they passed out and I decided to wait for a bit longer just to make sure.” She shrugs, like the act of losing sleep doesn’t take a toll on her body at all.

“Are they here?” Sana asks faintly, hoping the question doesn’t give away her intentions.

It seems Jihyo can sense her desire for discretion, because the girl responds almost as quietly as her.

“Yeah, they’re together in the other room.” She starts lowly. “Momo kept insisting that we go out and look for you because she apparently knew where you went. But Jeong and Mina convinced her to stay and wait for you. They figured it’d be no good to have both of you out there alone in the middle of the night, and I agreed.”

Sana waits anxiously, listening to her statement with a hint of desperation. Desperation for what, she’s not too sure. Perhaps she’s hoping to hear that Momo didn’t heed the other girls’ warnings and still went out in search for her. Her heart races at the thought, but the gut-wrenching reality that she didn’t hits Sana hard. She’s slowly starting to believe that Momo doesn’t need their friendship as much as she does, and that is what terrifies her most.

“But um—yeah they’re there. I’ll let you leave if you’re not ready to talk with them yet. I can understand why. If you ever want to talk about it, just know that I’m here with open ears and an open heart.” She doesn’t know what she’d do without Jihyo. “You know I love you, right?”

Sana hums contentedly, nodding her head and engulfing Jihyo in a hug in one swift motion.

“I love you too, Jihyo.” She sighs. It’s time to take a leap. “But I think I’m ready to talk about it now.”

“Are you sure?” Jihyo asks, eyebrows furrowing. She waits a few moments to find any semblance of certainty within Sana’s eyes. “I know that there was a lot of emotion involved last night. I don’t want you to push yourself.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I just—I need to get it off my chest. After that, I’m not talking about it again because I don’t want to ruin things.” Sana says pulling away and wiping off the remaining tears on her cheeks.

Jihyo shoots her a confused look but lets her proceed without interruption. She wasn’t able to find what she was looking for.

“First, I want to ask. Do you already know what it’s about?” Sana’s thoughts have been so jumbled up recently, she wonders if Jihyo’s able to pick them apart and decipher their meanings.

Jihyo visibly tenses, hundreds of guesses flying around in her brain. Sana could see that she’s trying to come up with something and hopes that she guesses correctly.

Jihyo hums, cautious of her words. “Well, ever since dinner at the restaurant the other day, you’ve just been… _off_.” Her eyes wander the room, seemingly unsure of how to approach this conversation.

“At first, I thought it was just nervousness from the play, but last night seemed a little bit more personal.”

Jihyo’s perceptive, she always has been.

Jihyo crosses her legs and places her hands calmly in between them, resembling a kid discussing a sensitive topic with their parents. This certainly was a sensitive topic, but Sana did **not** feel like a parent at all; if anything, it was the other way around. Hell, with the way Jihyo’s been taking care of her, she might as well be Sana’s mother.

“Look Sana,” Jihyo says gently, taking the other girl’s hands into hers. “I have my guesses, and I’m assuming so do the others. But I don’t want to have to guess, because that means you’re not fully ready to tell me.”

Jihyo scoots closer and gazes into Sana’s eyes, causing the girl to hold her breath in anticipation at what’s coming next.

“If you want me to guess, then that’s fine. I can do that. But I want to be sure that you’re completely ready to tell me what’s been going on with you. I’ve been worried sick and even if it’s just stage fright for your performance, I’m willing to sit here and discuss it… Whatever makes you feel better.” Jihyo finishes with a firm squeeze to Sana’s hands.

Sana could feel the warmth radiating off Jihyo; could feel the genuine concern laced in the girl’s voice. Even while wearing pajamas and looking like she hasn’t slept in years, Jihyo resembled an angel.

“I want to tell you, Jihyo.” Sana starts, her tone serious and her eyes anxious. “I just really don’t know how.” She sighs loudly, coming up with a way to explain herself. Jihyo’s demeanor didn’t make her feel rushed or pressured, instead it made her more at ease. Jihyo was willing to be patient and wait as long as Sana needed her to.

“I was a bit off during dinner the other night. And at first it _was_ because of the play.” Sana remembered how nervous she was during dinner; how her stomach twisted and turned at the mere thought of performing. “But now—now, it’s something else.” But that couldn’t compare to how she was feeling right in this moment. It’s like she’s taking a knife and sticking it right into her own chest; like she’s opening up her heart and dissecting the parts that she’s not ready to confront yet.

Both terrified and anxious, Sana’s mind kept screaming at her to stop what she was doing and just run back to her dorm to hide away in darkness. It certainly would be easier than learning to accept _this_. But another part of her continued to whisper positive-sounding words in her ears, telling her that there’s no good in keeping it bottled in, it’ll only get worse if she does. She hated that side of her, always rational. Sometimes, she wishes she could just ignore the sane part of her that actually knew what it was doing.

_Pathetic_.

She sighs tiredly, staring back straight into Jihyo’s bright curious orbs. “I think I’m in love with Momo.”

She leaps off the diving board, only to land back on her feet a half-second later.

Sana quickly searches the latter’s eyes, unsure of what she’s looking for. But the look she’s met with is one she didn’t expect. In Jihyo’s eyes were a signal of understanding and not a semblance of surprise.

Her eyebrows furrowing, Sana asks, “Did you know?”

With a quick shake of her head and a soft smile, Jihyo says, “No… But now that you told me, it makes sense.” She shrugs, scooting back a bit.

“How so?” Sana sounds confused. She leans on the bed’s headboard and watches the younger girl.

Jihyo chuckles nervously. She’s debating whether or not to move forward with her explanation; afraid that Sana’s going to find it a tad bit ridiculous.

She’s right.

  
“I honestly thought you were starting to have a crush on Seulgi…” She trails off. “And that Momo’s confession about how she felt ‘ _in love_ ’ with her sort of threw you off because that meant that you’d have to compete with your best friend. Which I’m sure you wouldn’t be too happy about.” Jihyo finishes, pursing her lips.

Sana lets out a low chuckle. That was a ridiculous inference to make. Although, looking back at certain instances, it makes sense why Jihyo thought that.

“It did seem like that, huh?” She agrees, to which the red-head just nods.

“Like I said, it makes sense now. You wouldn’t have run out sobbing over just the thought of liking the same person as Momo, would you? Doesn’t seem like something _super_ heart-shattering.”

“I don’t know… But that’s not something we’ll ever find out, I guess.”

“Do you plan on telling her?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you feel right now?”

“I don’t know.”

Sana slumps, tired; still reeling from the emotional rollercoaster that was last night, and now also this. How did she get herself into such a huge mess in just one 24-hour cycle?

Jihyo hums and engulfs the Japanese girl into another hug. “Listen, I’m glad you got it off your chest. But it seems like you still need to figure some stuff out. We can talk about it more some other time, whenever you feel ready. You should go home and rest for a bit. I’ll tell Mina and Momo that you need your space for now, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“You’re right.” Jihyo’s caring, compassionate. “Thank you, Jihyo.”

“Just take all the time you need. I’ll be here.”

“Will you all still come to watch the play?” Sana pulls away and sniffles.

Jihyo beams, shooting Sana a reassuring look. “Of course, we will. We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

The play was just now two days away, which certainly wasn’t enough time for Sana to gather her thoughts. She begins to appreciate those moments. The ones where she’s by herself and can actually think. Not that she couldn’t do that around the others; now she just needed to have time alone for once. Thinking back on her years leading up to now, she’s rarely ever had time to be introspective. Maybe that’s why she had so much trouble deciphering her own thoughts and feelings. Surely, being alone should help with this problem.

Two days pass by quickly, with little progress(?) having been made. Would she even call it progress? Sana had spent the days leading up to the play in a vicious cycle of acceptance and denial of her feelings towards Momo. Who was the fucking idiot that even suggested being alone at times like this? Introspection was definitely not one of Sana’s strong suits. She’ll have to ask Mina for help with it sometime. Definitely not until she gets her shit together and learns how to explain herself. But how is she supposed to do that when she doesn’t even know how to start being introspective?!

_Fucking hell._

Growing tired of pacing around in her room, Sana plops down on her bed, running her hands through her hair. Just a few more hours until the play starts, and she hasn’t even made her way to the auditorium yet, let alone put on her costume. Yet here she is, lying in bed, trying her damn best to decide how she’s going to deal with the situation.

She had been trying so hard to not let her feelings get in the way of things. She couldn’t even bring herself to respond to the girls’ text messages. Fortunately, they just contained supportive words with cute little heart emojis, telling her that they’ll still be there for her when she decides that she’s ready. It’s a good thing they didn’t come uninvited to her dorm either (not that they’d ever be uninvited, Sana _really_ just needed her space).

Not wanting to waste anymore time (and sort of wanting to avoid thinking about it for a second longer), Sana gets up and puts on her costume, a shadowy dress meant to resemble the main character’s dreamlike state. She convinces herself that she needs to get her head in the game to perform her lines as best she could. There’s absolutely no room for mistakes, not when she’s been given a whole _four_ lines. With a sudden burst of energy, she makes her way to the auditorium to prepare.

The place is bustling with actors, crew, and producers running around trying to get the play all setup in time. As far as she knows, there were still around three hours left until it started. But this is probably how it always is, loud and busy. It certainly wasn’t helping her stage-fright, let alone her thoughts still buzzing around in her head. Sana still needed to find makeup and hair, but the chaos was overwhelming. She runs to the nearest room and closes the door behind her, not bothering to read the sign with a certain someone’s name written on it.

Sana lets out a long, shaky breath, thankful to be away from the commotion outside. Her grip on the door handle tightens to the point where her knuckles turn white as she thinks about having to go out there again. It’s then that a voice from behind her calls out, startling her.

“Uhhh… I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask for a cute girl to be delivered.”

Sana turns around slowly, unsure of how to react to the statement, only to come face-to-face with an amused-looking Im Nayeon.

_Wow._

Nayeon was fully dressed in her costume with a face full of makeup and _god_ did she look stunning. It was certainly different from seeing her during rehearsals where she would just come in wearing sweatpants and a loose sweater. Not that she looked any worse, just… less glamorous.

“Uh, hey Nayeon.” Sana was caught off-guard.

Nayeon raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms and moving a bit too close to her, “Sana, right?”

Sana nods, pressing her back against the door.

“What’re you doing in here?” Nayeon’s intimidating.

Sana’s easily two inches taller than the older girl, allowing her to look down to meet her eyes, but that didn’t help the situation at all.

She feels like she’s being preyed on by an animal with the way Nayeon’s standing, waiting for a valid response.

“I’m—Uh, it was just a lot out there. Plus, I’m currently dealing with other emotional things right now and I just needed to get out.”

Sana couldn’t stop the words from escaping her mouth. It was surprising how quickly she threw out the fact that she’s not at her most stable, emotionally, to a classmate she’s only spoken to through script lines.

“Wow, I’m sorry. I’m just overwhelmed.” Sana’s heart beats out of her chest.

The other girl just hums neutrally and makes her way towards the mirror, watching herself as she adjusts her outfit. “You can sit down if you want, the couch is pretty comfy.” Nayeon suggests, not taking her eyes off her own reflection.

Sana accepts the offer and strides over to the couch on the other side of the room. She watches the girl eyeballing herself, when they suddenly make eye contact through the glass.

“So, what part do you come in at?” Nayeon turns to look at her.

“I’m one of your inner voices. I come in when your character’s deciding whether or not she truly believes she’s capable of accepting her feelings.” Sana explains, feeling small under the girl’s peering eyes.

“Oh, I like that part. It seems genuine.”

Nayeon smiles wholeheartedly. And for a second Sana forgets about the girl’s initially intimidating demeanor, the chaos ensuing right outside their door, and her feelings for Momo. In this room, with the lead actress, she feels a brief semblance of peace.

She smiles back, feeling a bit lighter. Nayeon seems… kind(?).

The older girl breaks the silence, “We haven’t talked much, have we?”

Sana thinks, “Only in passing… and during rehearsals. But no, never full conversations.”

“We should change that.” Nayeon moves to sit next to Sana. “You seem nice enough.”

Sana scoffs, what the fuck does she mean by ‘nice enough’?

The girl checks the time on her phone and turns towards her, “We also still have some time before we have to get on stage.”

“Sure, but I’ll have to leave at some point to get my makeup done before we start.” Sana mirrors the other girl’s posture.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I can do it.” Nayeon says nonchalantly with a shrug of her shoulders.

Letting this girl do her makeup for the play meant that she’d have full control over her appearance, which Sana found a bit frightening. But she relents, trusting that Nayeon’s capable of making her look as good as she made herself look.

Talking to Nayeon was a nice break. The confident girl made having a conversation seem like the easiest thing in the world. It was clear to see how she managed to get the role she’s in now. With her butterflies having disappeared, Sana could only enjoy the lighthearted talk between her and Nayeon. She wasn’t just interesting to talk to either, the girl was a _huge_ flirt (surprisingly not one of the good ones). After almost every sentence, she would glance at Sana with flirty eyes and apply a husk tone to her voice while uttering a cheesy pickup line as coolly as she could.

“I don’t know. I like the storyline. The main character’s cute, she seems to want one thing. But can’t bring herself to do anything to obtain that.”

Nayeon likes to think she’s slick. “You’re cuter.”

Sana chokes, almost coughing up a lung.

Who knew Im Nayeon, the seemingly intimidating and talented lead actress, could actually be such a dork?

“Alright, we should start on your makeup now.” Nayeon states pointedly while holding up her phone to show the time.

5:23 PM, a little over an hour before the show starts.

The play was set to start at 6:30 and revolved around the life of Kim Ji-Eun, a girl who falls in love with her best friend, Lee Sang-Hoon. Ji-Eun falls and falls, letting her heart be captured by Sang-Hoon’s charms. But she finds herself doubting his feelings towards her and continuously tries to deny what’s really there. Unbeknownst to her, Sang-Hoon returns those feelings, but is also in the same position as Ji-Eun, completely unconfident in his ability to win her heart.

_How ironic._

Nayeon’s ability to capture Ji-Eun’s emotional state was amazing. During rehearsals, it feels as though she’s truly watching a girl rip her own heart out at the thought of losing her best friend to her own feelings. To see it come to life on a fully decorated stage was exciting.

“You better make me look good, Ms. Im.” Sana quips while Nayeon sits her down in front of the mirror, a soft smile forming on her face.

Nayeon smirks, “You already do, Ms. Minatozaki.” Nayeon’s persistent.

A shit-eating grin forms on Nayeon’s face when she notices the blush on Sana’s cheeks. She adds in a wink for good measure.

The outcome was satisfying. Confidence bubbled in her chest at the sight of herself in the mirror. It wasn’t anything grand, but it definitely called more attention than what you’d expect from a side character. She internally thanked herself for accidentally walking into Nayeon’s room. Apart from finding a friend in the person she least expected, Sana was able to tame her wildly disruptive thoughts. It calmed her down enough to help her prepare for the actual show.

“You’re really pretty, Sana.” Nayeon compliments. She had an indistinguishable look on her face while examining the girl in front of her.

“You should look in the mirror sometime.” Sana retaliates, smirking devilishly. Being around this girl affected her persona.

“Trust me, I do.” Nayeon says cheekily while flipping her hair over her shoulder. She walks towards the door. “C’mon Minatozaki, it’s time.”

Nayeon props the door open and waits, making sure her eyes land on the right spot of Sana’s backside when she walks through it.

“You’re not slick, Im.” Sana calls out, not turning around. Maybe she’s too persistent.

Nayeon scoffs, “Not like I was trying to be.” The blush on her cheeks gives her away.

The area backstage was less crowded and more orderly since Sana first arrived. She involuntarily lets out a breath of relief at seeing the other actors standing idly by the stage entrance each waiting for their turns. It seems that the production crew were more relaxed as well, calmly walking around instead of sprinting everywhere. Over the speaker comes a booming voice, “5 minutes til showtime.”

She searches for Nayeon who has somehow disappeared into the group of actors waiting. After about a minute, Sana gives up and just shouts into the crowd.

“Break a leg, Nayeon!”

“You too, baby girl!” A voice returns from the void.

All heads turn to look at Sana as her whole face turns red as a tomato. While it was true that Nayeon was intimidating, it was also true that the rest of the cast had HUGE crushes on her. It’s not everyday you get to meet someone as interesting and as fun as Nayeon. And with her flirty nature, it’s only natural for people to flock to her, proclaiming their love for the star.

Sana moved to stand near the front of the stage so she could watch Nayeon in all her glory. The play went on without a hitch. Ji-Eun, played by Nayeon, fell madly in love with Sang-Hoon, played by a somewhat charming, also well-known student named Mark Tuan.

He had offered to help Sana with her lines over a coffee once. But due to the circumstances (and the fact that he didn’t resemble a certain black-haired Japanese girl), she had to decline. The look on his face at her rejection was honestly one for the books. Sana wishes she could take screenshots with her eyes. He must not get rejected often.

Ji-Eun was in her room daydreaming about her past encounters with Sang-Hoon when Sana looks out at the audience. She spots the girls in the front row. An hour early again, she assumes. Their dedication towards their friends is honestly admirable. She smiles, knowing that Jihyo and Jeongyeon were the first to arrive. Her eyes scan the seats they were occupying, only for them to land on another individual sitting right next to Momo. Is that… _Seulgi_?

_Right, Irene._

Sana’s heart constricts. Seulgi’s been nothing but annoying. Why couldn’t she find an empty seat as far away from Momo as possible?

She had to admit, voicing her feelings out loud made things a bit clearer for her. Looking at Seulgi now just did nothing but piss her off. That girl doesn’t deserve Momo; she doesn’t deserve Momo’s feelings, Momo’s time, and certainly not Momo’s energy. Sana tries _very_ hard to convince herself that even though she does have feelings for Momo, she’d be okay with her not returning them as long as she doesn’t direct those feelings towards Seulgi.

It doesn’t work.

The cycle returns, this time even more brutal. This time, she can’t decide whether to be selfish or to be a good friend. Is there not a third, much easier option?

As the play continues, she remains to the side, standing idly by as Seulgi annoyingly leans a little too close to Momo, with Momo doing the same exact thing. At least Mina, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon are enjoying the play and not trying to have their first date in the front row like a bunch of teens who just matched on Tinder.

Thank god she’s not being forced to sit next to that.

Eventually, Irene enters the stage as Ji-Eun’s second best friend, the one meant to comfort her during the times when her own voices couldn’t. Seulgi visibly jumps in her seat with excitement as she sees Irene. Momo watches, a small smile forming on her face, somehow finding that cute.

_Disgusting_.

The tension between the two women doesn’t go unnoticed. Nayeon seeks comfort in her best friend as Irene makes a show of it. She delivers her lines as the script dictates, but she makes sure Nayeon’s aware of her displeasure at the role switch. Irene pats her back a little too harshly as she offers kind words.

“Ji-Eun, he’s your best friend.”

_Smack._

“You really don’t think he feels the same way?”

_Smack._

“In the end, you’ll still have your friendship.”

With one last firm slap against Nayeon’s back, Irene exits. Sana flinches at the act, amazed by how Nayeon keeps her composure. Damn, the girl really is good at what she does.

With just a few moments left before Sana’s meant to walk on the stage, the butterflies in her stomach reappear. Even though Ji-Eun gets external support from her best friend, she still favors the idea of consulting her inner voices; the parts of her that rationalizes at times like these. Sana envies Ji-Eun’s ability to self-reflect.

Walking out towards the middle of the stage, the lights dim, and a spotlight beams directly onto her and Nayeon. Sana could feel all eyes on her as she looks out into the crowd and back at Ji-Eun, who returns her gaze with soft, sad eyes.

_“So? Do you believe in yourself? In your ability to express your feelings towards him?”_ Sana questions, staring down onto Nayeon’s fearful but hopeful face.

Nayeon, teary-eyed, quickly shakes her head, _“I’ll ruin our friendship. I can’t risk losing him because I was selfish.”_

Sana hums, looking dissatisfied. “ _Is there not a part of you that believes he’s capable of feeling the same way?”_ She circles the bench Nayeon’s sitting on before placing herself right next to her.

_“Are you too afraid to admit that to yourself?”_

Nayeon turns to face her rational voice, personified. _“It’s not possible.”_ She looks back down at the floor and whimpers, shoulders shaking from muffled sobs lodged in her throat.

_“You have a skewed perception on what’s possible and impossible, Ji-Eun.”_ Sana comments disappointedly before getting up and walking off the stage.

That wasn’t too bad.

From the side, Sana could see Momo gazing after her, hoping to congratulate her best friend for successfully delivering her lines. She moves to be more visible and waves, grinning at the sight of a happy Momo. She briefly forgets what she just witnessed moments before. Momo waves back and signals a thumbs up, forming a rapidly pulsating heart with her hands after.

If only Momo could feel Sana’s heart doing the same.

Beside Momo, Seulgi also gives her a thumbs up. Sana could only nod awkwardly as she spots it, turning to catch the other girls’ attention. Jihyo and Jeongyeon grin happily as they shake their fists in the air. But they, being overly dramatic, scream silently and mouth the words, “I love you! I’m your biggest fan!” It’s distracting to the other viewers, but Sana could only laugh at their antics. Mina, on the other hand, was waving her hands in a back and forth motion pretending to be at a concert, with the silent screaming duo next to her.

Eyes landing back on Momo, she sees admiration and delight painted on the girl’s face. This must’ve been what it looked like when Momo was up on stage, dancing her heart out for her to see. What a beautiful sight. Momo’s a beautiful sight.

The play drags on but eventually ends with Ji-Eun’s heart shattered, unable to come to terms with herself and be brave enough to take a leap into the love she felt for Sang-Hoon.

Sana feels her ending starting to resemble Ji-Eun’s.

The whole cast fills the stage as they take their bows and say goodbye to the audience. Nayeon, being the lead, takes center and revels in the cheers. She deserved it though; her performance was alluring, and even more so her own self. It was a deadly combination. One that Sana could learn to appreciate.

She waves to her friends, mentally constructing her own script for when she speaks with them again. It’s messy and poorly written, but it’s better than nothing. Exiting the stage, her eyes rapidly hunt for a figure resembling Nayeon’s. How does this girl keep randomly disappearing mere seconds after Sana’s loses sight of her?

“Looking for me?”

Sana visibly jumps at the sudden sound. Nayeon’s not just good at disappearing into thin air, she’s also good at showing up behind people and completely scaring the shit out of them. Turning around, she meets Nayeon for the second time that day.

“So, how do you feel?” Nayeon asks, excitedly bouncing on her toes like a kid at a candy store.

“Oh, yeah… I think I did pretty well. I didn’t throw up or anything so that’s—”

“No, no, about me. How do you feel about my performance? It was good, wasn’t it?” Nayeon’s arrogant, but not in an asshole type of way. More so in a self-respecting kind of way.

The look she gave Nayeon must’ve communicated Sana’s disbelief at her statement because she reels back, looking offended.

“What? I like compliments.”

“You’re impossible, Im.” Her head shakes involuntarily, faux disappointment painting her features.

Nayeon laughs, “I like what you did there, cutie. Keep making puns with my name.”

This girl is just an endless pool of self-centeredness. It’ll certainly be hard to find another person like her. But damn is she a breath of fresh air.

Sana just looks on, trying to appear unamused. “What’s your phone number?” 

A snort. “Look who’s not slick now!” Nayeon makes a show of Sana’s request and yells out loud so that the rest of the people backstage could hear. “This bitch just asked me for my number! No flowers or anything, can you believe that? If anybody else would like to try, my favorite are roses!”

Oh my god, she’s talking to a child.

Maybe she shouldn’t have walked into that room in the first place. Being stuck in the middle of the chaos from earlier could NOT have been worse than the embarrassing situation she’s in now. Goddamit, Nayeon.

Pulling her over to the side, Sana whisper shouts, “Look, do you want this cute girl’s number or not?”

Nayeon doubles over, still giggling away at the stunt she just pulled from a second ago. “Yes, yes. Here, jeez.”

Nayeon’s phone was small and petite, making it look like a toy in the girl’s huge hands. Sana couldn’t refrain from staring at the girl’s unnecessarily long fingers as the phone gets passed to her.

_Fuck._

Never mind that. Her phone background’s a picture of herself???

She puts in her contact under the name, “Sana 🐹” and gives the phone back to its rightful owner. Once transferred, the older girl holds out her other hand, an expectant look written across her face.

Sana’s confused. “What?”

“Your phone, dummy. You need my number too?”

“Oh, right.”

Sana reluctantly hands the girl her phone, earning an eyeroll from her. “I’m not gonna steal it you know.”

“Well, I don’t know. Your phone looks like it’s on its last leg. Can’t be too sure.” Sana defends.

“Okay, Ms. shattered phone. You think I’d wanna steal a phone with all the glass on the back practically falling off?”

Alright, she has a point.

Nayeon tuts, “Good thing you’re hot.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Whoa, whoa. Don’t worry, I’m joking.” Nayeon puts her number in.

This girl is unbelievable. But she swears she hears her mutter, “You’re gorgeous. I’m sure you’re smart as hell, too. Just not good at holding onto your phone.”

A blush creeps up on her cheeks; she turns to hide it, not wanting to give the girl the satisfaction. She looks at the contact to find, “Hot and Sexy Nayeonnie 🐰” boldly written across the screen.

She looks up to find the other girl not-so-subtly checking her out, like she didn’t get enough from before?!

“I’ll see you later, _Hot and Sexy Nayeonnie_.” She puts emphasis on the self-given nickname before turning to walk away, no longer wanting to be under the girl’s predatory gaze. She hopes that the older girl sends her off with just a normal goodbye, but she expects too much.

Nayeon blows her a kiss and winks, “I’ll see you later, baby.”

God, the audacity of this woman. Sana cringes at the second-hand embarrassment that forms in her stomach.

Nayeon’s flirting will definitely take some time to get used to.

The nighttime breeze prickled her skin again when she walked outside. But this time, she remembered to bring a jacket, having learned her lesson from the last performance. It probably would’ve felt even worse this time around what with how revealing her dress actually was. The cool sidewalk nudged the bottom of her shoes as she searched for her friends.

It’s time she did some explaining.

Willing her legs to move forward, she puts on a brave face, eventually finding herself in front of the group of girls. Any ounce of courage she had prior immediately disappears at the sight she sees. Previously, they had just been accompanied by Seulgi. But now, it seems Irene has decided to join too. This party just keeps on getting better. Who’s next, Irene’s best friends?

It’s not that Irene has directly done anything to her (yet) either, it’s just the fact that she’s Seulgi’s friend. It’s kinda petty to continue to act the way she’s currently acting. But c’mon, it’s Seulgi. How can you be friends with her and **not** be a horrible person?

All eyes land on her as she grows closer, suddenly making her feel like she just took center stage. It was a lot worse than when she _physically_ went on stage, that’s for sure.

“Hey! There she is! Our main actress!” Jihyo’s loud voice booms.

Cheers and claps fill Sana’s ears, reminding her of her support system. Even Irene and Seulgi were participating; not cheering, but clapping. Jeongyeon and Momo start pumping fists in the air while whooping loudly. Mina switches to fairy claps and smiles. Jihyo moves forward, engulfing her in another back-breaking hug. Any other time, this would be bearable, enjoyable. But now, it’s suffocating.

“You did well, Satang.” Momo chimes from beside the pair still hugging.

Jihyo lets her go, offering Sana a sympathetic smile as she pulls away.

As always, Jihyo’s perceptive.

Momo’s hand on her arm stings. It doesn’t offer the same amount of comfort it did before. Not when it’s meant to only be a friendly gesture.

“Thanks, Momoring.” There’s a lump in her throat.

“Hey Sana, I’m Joohyun. Nice to meet you. I’m Seulgi’s best friend.” Irene, or actually Joohyun, kindly introduces herself, flashing Sana a smile and extending her hand.

A handshake, how formal.

Joohyun’s hand is cold, uninviting. Yet she smiles back, not wanting to spoil the mood any more than she already feels like she has. Joohyun retracts it, continuing the conversation they were having.

“Even though I wasn’t the lead, I still had fun. That’s all that matters, right?” She sounds bitter. From what Sana could remember, Joohyun wasn’t having fun. If anything, the only fun she had was in trying to smack Nayeon into oblivion.

Here goes another difficult and useless conversation with Seulgi. She honestly deserves a break.

Seulgi laughs, a sound Sana quickly grows tired of. “Don’t kid yourself, Joo. I saw how pissed you were up there.” Her hand goes to rest on the other girl’s shoulder. “If looks could kill, Nayeon would be dead, ten times over.”

Joohyun scoffs. “That’d certainly do us a favor.”

Sana decides that she doesn’t like Joohyun. Even more than Seulgi? No, but pretty damn close. It’s not like her and Nayeon were best friends, but at least Nayeon doesn’t spend her free time talking shit about random girls. No, she probably spends it taking selfies and posting them on her social media with the heading, _muse_. Which Sana would take over this any day.

“What’s wrong with Nayeon?” Mina sounds nervous. “I thought she was really pretty.”

“Yeah, well so does she. That conceited bitch.” Joohyun spits venomously.

Another chuckle from Seulgi, “You should see her off-stage, super arrogant. I heard some girl asked for her number and she made a fool of her by announcing it to the cast and saying, ‘Bring me flowers first.’”

News travels that fast?

She was starting to feel sorry for Nayeon. It’s one thing to be viewed negatively by jealous peers, but it’s another to be the center of nasty and vile rumors like these. That’s not even how their conversation went either, someone’s been lying and spreading these rumors fast. Damn, college is starting to look a lot like high school.

Hopefully, Nayeon’s used to it by now. At the rate she’s going, she’s bound for much harsher words from those outside of college.

Momo pipes up, “That poor girl.”

Sana’s eyes dart over to her best friend’s face. There’s empathy written on it, and on the others’ too. Not for Nayeon, but for the girl she apparently humiliated. Fortunately, it seems like nobody there knew who this girl was, or else Sana would probably have the newcomers pitying her, which she definitely didn’t need. Mina, on the other hand, looks like she’s having a mid-life crisis. Judging from what these girls are saying, Nayeon’s a completely conceited, selfish bitch. But from what she saw on stage, Nayeon’s a talented and popular student who just so happens to leave other girls envious.

“Anyways, we should skip the negative talk. Now’s not the right time when we have five performers here to celebrate the end of the semester with!” Sana’s grateful for Jeongyeon. “So, party-that’s-not-really-a-party-because-our-place-is-small over at mine and Ji’s?”

The three Japanese girls agree with a quick nod of their heads.

“Seulgs and I are actually gonna go to a dinner with my family. But we will take you up on that offer another time.” Another sweet smile forms on Joohyun’s face. “Speaking of which, we should probably head out now.”

“Oh, sure thing! Like I told Seulgi before, you’re welcome to join us during lunch.” Jihyo speaks. “Just let us know!”

Jihyo’s too good for this world.

Joohyun waves goodbye and walks towards her car, leaving behind a suddenly anxious-looking Seulgi. Her demeanor, usually confident, usually assertive, is now that of a lovesick teenager, unsure of how to move forward with her words.

_What the actual fuck._

“Hey, Momo.” She whispers. “I know you won’t see me around campus anymore. But don’t hesitate to call or text when you want to hang out, okay?”

It dawns on Sana that she’s never actually seen them interact before. Only once, when she was too busy mentally cursing at Seulgi to pay attention to how softly the girl actually addresses Momo. Watching the two with desperate eyes, Sana’s breath catches in her throat.

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Seulgs. You too, okay?”

She even calls Seulgi by her nickname.

Unable to withstand anymore, Sana calls out to Momo. She feels like she’s interrupting, but she doesn’t care. Now’s her final chance to tell Momo or else she’ll lose what could possibly be the greatest love of her life. She decides to be selfish.

“Momo, can we talk?” It physically hurts to keep it bottled in.

Seulgi looks irritated by the interruption. She throws a glance at Sana and finally waves her goodbyes.

“I’ll see you later, Momo.” Seulgi throws out one last time before making her way towards Joohyun.

When Momo’s gaze finally lands on Sana, a brief moment of solace washes over her.

_What did I do to deserve you, Momo?_

“To the park, Satang?” Momo’s voice is soft, comforting.

Sana nods.

“Come join us once you’re done, okay?” Jihyo runs a hand over Sana’s arm.

Jihyo would be the one who understands her most right now, and she’s forever indebted to her for that. Mina and Jeongyeon deserve to know as well, but right now, Momo’s the one she needs. They understand, each sending Sana off with a hug before returning to the apartment.

The walk to the park was silent. Both girls knew the significance of this conversation, so it was important to wait until the right time, when they arrive. But it felt like Sana wasn’t the only one holding her breath. No, Momo was too.

It was nerve-wracking.

She should learn to take some cues about courage from Momo. After all, the girl’s expressed her true self twice to Sana, with the latter having done so a total of zero times. It was extremely one-sided in that aspect. Up ‘til now, Sana couldn’t bring herself to express her feelings for Momo. She truly was becoming like Ji-Eun. But with the realization that this is her last chance, she gets up on the diving board and prepares to jump a second time. This time, from a height ten times greater than the last. And this time, looking down into a deep, deep pool of water.

“Are you feeling better, Satang?” Momo’s hoarse voice calls from the other end of the bench.

Sana hates that the conversation starts like this. It feels like they’re making small-talk, something best friends shouldn’t need to do. Especially not ones that have been together for 11 years. But there’s no other way to go about it, not with the hesitation in Sana’s behavior. Hesitation that’s present in Momo’s demeanor as well.

She submits, “Yeah, how about you?”

“I am. I’m just… nervous, you know?” Momo leans back.

“Yeah, I get you.” It comes out softer than she meant it to. The sadness in her tone propelling Momo to speed up the conversation.

“I have to tell you something, Satang. I want you to know, before anything happens.”

Only a shaky breath escapes Sana’s mouth as she mirrors Momo’s posture, looking up at the sky.

“But I know you have something to tell me too.”

Does Momo already know? Did Jihyo tell her?

It didn’t really matter. All that was going through her head was how she’s going to recover if Momo rejects her confession. If there even is a way to recover.

“I do, Momoring.”

“Okay.”

Inside Sana, a whirlpool forms, tossing and turning any watercraft unfortunate enough to be caught in the middle of the storm. Sana feels her own ship getting caught in the jaws of her fear. It violently shakes the vessel, causing lifeboats and other supplies to fly off, leaving her with no chance to escape. The rain pours and pours, not letting up. The crew had abandoned the ship long ago, with only the captain remaining. Slowly, she watches as the vessel inches closer to its destruction.

The bench is cold, the air even colder. The cherry blossoms had already bloomed, but they couldn’t be seen in full color due to the dark blanket of the night.

With the last remnants of her energy, she urges Momo to speak first, giving her best friend the chance to unknowingly convince her to continue. “Show me the way.”

“Are you still my Satang?”

“From now until forever, Momoring.”

Before the ships goes down, the captain spots a giant beating heart in the distance. The strings it’s attached to barely holding it up above the water. It beats, weakly, but it’s there. With one last spark of hope, the captain reaches out towards it.

“I’m gonna ask Seulgi to be my girlfriend.”

The strings snap, sending the now still heart into the sea. The board under Sana’s feet becomes unstable. She falls, slowly drowning in the water below, unable to swim. It’s more like syrup than water as she is incapable of moving her limbs. Sana’s eyes blur, vision completely obstructed by her tears. Momo’s voice comes out as incoherent buzzing against her eardrums. The world stills as her body becomes numb.

The stars no longer sparkle brightly. Instead they’re dull, hopeless candles that have reached their wick’s end.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy you made it! I hope you liked it! I'll try to post chapter two within the next month, but thank you for reading!
> 
> My twitter is: @Sanasfruit


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